You went to a military academy?

Valley Forge Military Academy in Wayne, Pennsylvania, where they filmed the movie Taps.

Right.

Wow.

And the basis for Pensy Prep in The Catcher in the Rye, because J.D. Salinger was an alumnus.

Picking him off as I drive

by.

Whoo! I've been watching backstage.

How'd it go?

Well, I don't know if it was WrestleMania weekend, but there was a big WWE event.

And my friends, Ryan and Nick Nemeth, who are both wrestlers...

they will usually go out for these weekend long events and they're both very funny and do standup.

And so they will book a venue outside of the event and just advertise it.

And like, it's largely wrestling fans who are amazing, like really rowdy, but like in the best way, like really fun shows.

But yeah, I was there for that.

Anyway, I love the

Ugh

... 1986, um, on the East Coast.

And, um, I think it was my second year there, spring break, I was gonna fly back home to LA, which was great 'cause it was freezing in Pennsylvania.

And, uh, I had a friend who had n- from Massachusetts who had never been to California and, um, I was like, "You should come out with me." And my parents were like, "Yeah, you can bring a friend." And so we go out to California.

I get a call like my second day there from my friend Jimmy who said, "Hey, you're back for spring break." And he had just started his freshman year in college, and it was their spring break at the same time.

And he's like, "There's a big fucking party tonight, dude." He's like, "You gotta come." He's like, "There's college girls and it's gonna be fucking crazy." I said, "Yeah, okay, I'm in." And he said, "If I drive to your house, can you drive to the party? 'Cause I wanna fucking drink." I'm like, "Yeah." And I didn't have a car at the time, so I asked my dad, "Can I borrow your car?" And he said, "Yeah, just be careful." I said, "Okay, I'm not gonna drink." [laughs] 'Cause they knew my, you know, previous tendencies.

He's like, "Just don't drink." I said, "No problem." So Jimmy comes over, the three of us drive.

[laughing]

Yeah.

And the full load is down in the, in the basement in the laundry room.

And, um, I decide to go to the mar- there's, like, a bodega nearby across the street, and I decided to go down and get some milk and water and stuff.

And, uh, so I walk down, walk across Hollywood Boulevard, go into this, it's basically a liquor store.

I get, you know, a bunch of water and I think some, probably some sodas and, like, cereal and stuff.

And then-

Yeah.

And I walk back out, and I'm at the corner of Sycamore and Hollywood Boulevard waiting to cross.

what?

I think he's talking about you should have been at whatever bigger venue is there in this town.

So when I was a kid at summer camp, we used to catch lizards.

There was this big field out in camp, and there would be really long blades of these weed-like long blades of grass thing.

And we would, at one end of them, tie the grass into a noose.

And you could sit like three feet away from a lizard.

And I don't think their eyesight's that great.

They do like the heat.

And both times I hit their shirt, but they were like, you know.

Oof.

When I was like 18 and 19, I did construction during the summers, and I drove an El Camino, and We were working on a – we were building a lodge up in the mountains in Idyllwild, which are the mountains above like Palm Springs.

And one day after work, me and my friend Brett were driving down the road from the camp to the main road, which was a three-mile dirt road.

And I was going really fast because each day after work, we would see how fast I could get to the main road.

And I drove off a cliff like 20 feet, like – Landed on all fours.

All the wheels came off.

You are friends.