Social support

I mean, we have a culture these days, as you know, that is not necessarily a positive culture.

Here's a word that I see missing in our culture today, social support.

And I'm talking about the interpersonal social support with empathy.

I mean, even our observations, our students observing pedestrians on campus, a lot of them are just looking at their cell phone.

They're not looking at other people.

So, by the way, it's efficient.

It makes life, but it's not effective.

But where's the connection? Where's the connection? And where's the social support?

Meditation, breathing, mindfulness, exercise, a nap, a shower, playing Candy Crush on your phone, simple grounding exercises, reading inspirational books, something that helps you center and pulls you away from that acute sense of rejection and abandonment and panic.

the third idea which is narcissism healing number 101 is social support and connection with others again that which heals a broken heart also appeals or also appears to heal the wounds of narcissistic abuse but creating social support is tougher for survivors than it is for other folks some of you in narcissistic relationships were isolated by the narcissistic person which means you are starting from behind square one Some of you don't trust yourself socially.

Others of you don't feel worthy.

However, you can do this and it doesn't need to be that you're adding 50 people to your life.

Even just a few folks that see you, that offer empathy and kindness and take yours in, and give some back is a lifesaver and can rewrite the book on what a human relationship can be about this may also entail seeking out therapy you may join a support group but yes social support great for all kinds of broken hearts the next thing they bring up is a sense of meaning and purpose that thing you get out of bed for every day This matters a lot in healing from narcissistic abuse.

And this gets lost in narcissistic abuse because for so long, a lot of a survivor's life has been appeasing, making sense of, pleasing, winning over, and recovering from the behavior of the narcissistic person.

It basically becomes a full-time gig.

As the research on the negative effects of alcohol grows, I'm following it really closely.

keeping on top of these findings is helping a lot of people think about what they consume and what small steps they could take to improve their health a reduction in alcohol is a really simple place to start so let's jump back in next i ask isla about all things hangover and then we talk about how different governments are responding to the latest research in their public health efforts After that, Isla and I talk about how habits can change, the alternatives available, and how you can enlist friends and social support to make positive changes in your life if it's time for that.

How do you explain hangovers and how they relate to the negative health outcomes of alcohol? Is it a warning sign? It's curious to me because,

again, back in my 20s, we'd wear our hangovers like a badge of honor.

According to Dr. Wayne Jonas, we already know about something associated with that kind of difference in survival.

It's social support.

Dr. Jonas is a physician, researcher, former director of the NIH Office of Alternative Medicine, and author of How Healing Works.

He spent his career studying the difference between curing disease and helping a person heal.

Mm.

Uh, and the data is there.

For example, there's some studies, for example, that look just at loneliness, okay? Just at social support.

Individuals that have high social por- support with cancer have a 25% chance of living longer than those that have low social support, okay? If you had a drug that increased your living by 25%, it would be on the docket immediately, okay? But that's an example.

However, once you get into the narcissistic relationship, it gets tricky.

One of the greatest antidotes that you can have in a narcissistic relationship is good social support.

But you have to have nerves of steel to keep it once you're in the narcissistic relationship, because not only are these relationships isolating, but once the devaluing stage begins, or even at the end of the love-bombing stage, you may have a narcissistic person who is slowly pulling you away from your favored social circle.

Maybe they're telling you that the people around you are saying bad things about you, may very well be lying about that, or they might tell you that the people around you don't have your back, or that the people around you aren't good for you, or that they're holding you back, or might-- the narcissist might even say that they're being mean to them.

And so the reason I'm asking this is, one, do you think that there's a lot of, like, hidden, like, I'm gonna wait till nobody's around type of feeling, number one.

And then number two, do you think that more social support would be helpful? Like, if there was still someone there with you, would it be better? Or you'd still just find a way to, like, get away from that, whoever, to be able to, like, do this? Do you know what I'm saying?

Absolutely.

That's interesting, 'cause I think people are, are different in, like, what emotion they're trying to satisfy with the food.

I wouldn't-- So my binge urge was present, but I wouldn't do anything about it because it's a shameful thing to have other people, like, see you eat this massive amount of food.

So I'd wait till, like, at home, and then I'd binge at home alone.

And then for the social support, I think it depends on the person, because again-- Well, maybe it might have been better, because it essentially, if you can be with people that, and that's your deterrent, and you can allow yourself to ride the, quote-unquote, "binge wave" or the urge wave with other people present, it might take a long time, it might take a short time.

Um, but we-- maybe what was, uh, missing for myself was I was still having that binge urge even when I got home, so then I would take action on it.