Sex work

Obviously, there are going to be some trigger warnings in this one.

We get into drug use, a suicide attempt, and sex work.

Plus, a moment where Matt and I go head to head over what actually counts as an addiction.

Spoiler alert, I lost.

I mean, you, you know when you're doing that work that you're an outlet for people.

Um, you, I mean, [laughs] if you're at all tuned in to what happens when they, they bring through, like, FOSTA-SESTA legislation that makes it harder for sex work and sex workers to operate in a space, we see rising rates of, of intimate violence.

You know? Like, there is, there is definitely something to the idea that this is a, this, this is an outlet for people and, and has been for ...

[laughs] It's a tale as old as time.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I, I mentioned in the, in the piece about, um, how Heinrich Himmler thought that sex work and, and having prostitutes available made it possible for men to continue to, like, push down those homosexual urges, for example.

Like, keep people in line, you know? It was, it, there, there's definitely this, this dynamic, this push and pull, the, what is it? The Madonna whore, um, sort of like, women can be one of two things in, in a lot of people's views.

And it's just this idea that if you are ...

And so, like, that just reminds you that, like, you know, feelings have not changed even if the accessibility and stuff like that and who controls it may have changed.

You don't always realize how many people you know who have or are currently involved in sex work or have been involved in sex work.

You know, I worked the burlesque circuit for years, and a lot of people in that world, not all of them, but some of them do come from, like, stripping, or if you're out in somewhere like LA or Vegas, people might have crossover with other forms of adult entertainment.

It's socially acceptable more so.

There's even, like, non-blue forms of burlesque.

It's, like, more elevated.

It's more elevated in their mind, and there's a real movement to try to hit home the fact that, like, all sex work is sex work.

Yep.

i thought that the more that i did too similar to men the more like what like well how come it's not working like why haven't i found him i'm you know i'm performing so good and it really comes down to i call them the three checkpoints mind heart like everything that you do are those checkpoints aligned like leading from that place and i'm i'm telling you when you lead as a woman from your femininity which is like looks like more feeling more softness more surrender more listening more like receiving It's so much more powerful.

I make, for example, I make, I don't know, five times as much as I ever did, um, coaching and with my practice now than I did in sex work.

I was making 1500 bucks an hour or, you know, overnights and whatever.

and this is from me receiving men and like listening to them and appreciating them and sharing the truth and not judging and holding space for that so this idea that we need to like switch gears it does take some deprogramming big time.

Yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah.

I want to go back to just talk about your sex work days, if that's okay.

Yeah.

Like I'm sure people get irritated, but people will, will like be in my comments and be in my DMs and be like, "Shut the fuck up.

You're just a prostitute." And I'm like, can someone not be a sex worker and also care about the planet? Like your act of like sex work is innately somehow harming the...

I don't know.

I...

They think that I should be like not allowed to have opinions or like interests or cares or like do philanthropy because I'm a sex worker, and I'm like, no, that's actually like what makes an ethical sex worker, but whatever.

That's fine.

Yeah.

That's good, yeah

[upbeat music] Hi, Ben.

My name is Lucy, and I've always been fascinated by sex work.

I struggle to make it at my full-time professional job.

My secret is I'm a side gig sex worker just trying to make her way.

[upbeat music] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Secret Room.

I'm Ben Hamm.

Today, we start the final secret of our three-secret arc, focusing on the often misunderstood world of sex work.

My guests have been pulling back the curtain on three very different experiences in sex work in an effort to give us all a deeper understanding of the different forms that sex work can take, the realities that these women face, and how they feel about their work.