Secure attachment

That shifts everything.

What I really want is for you to learn how to stay connected to who you really are and the secure attachment that you always have with God.

Because no matter what is going on with your marriage, you always have safety and security with God.

And when you stay connected to that, you're gonna be okay.

You're not gonna have the same reactions and this is really the way through to interrupting these patterns and breaking this is to develop this secure attachment with God and a lot of times Christians struggle with that because they were taught from little on God is gonna judge you you're gonna go to hell if you're bad right you need to do these things to get to heaven and like when you're little you just need to develop a secure attachment to God where you know you're safe and he loves you and that's what you really need you instead have this kind of like fear attachment.

I feel like we should do a whole nother podcast episode on that, but that is such an important part of this.

So I think the biggest thing to take away is like really stay connected to what's going on for you because what's going on inside of you matters.

It's about how you show up in your career, how you show up to a stranger, how you show up in your friendships, in your family, in the relationship that you have with yourself.

Secure attachment is so much more than just bringing in your romantic relationship.

And I really, truly believe now more than ever, this commitment of staying on the path to your healthiest, most emotionally available, securely attached, highest and best version of you, that is a rebellion and it is a very important commitment.

So I am so grateful for you tuning into this show, for yourself, for the betterment of all the people around you, for what it means for you to continue to protect your peace and take care of your mental health.

Usually there's some kind of emotional unavailability, someone that doesn't have capacity to actually be in a relationship with you.

And by the way, this applies to whether you're anxiously attached or avoidantly attached.

And you're usually in some kind of insecure attachment dynamic, recreating old wounds, and you're wanting a different outcome this time, subconsciously, because you're believing that if I can get a different outcome, it'll make up for everything I experienced in the past, and it'll finally prove that I am enough.

okay? So the brain is looking for a different ending, and the situationship is gasoline to the repetition-compulsion fire.

We also get into the history of how friendships and their role in society has changed over time, which I personally found fascinating because I don't think I had ever really sat down to think about the nitty gritty of it all.

We also talk about her new upcoming book, The New Science of Self-Esteem and Attachment, and how she shifted her focus from friendships to building a secure attachment with yourself and self-worth.

Because that relationship with yourself is equally as important as friendships and relationships with others.

And I also, I mean, she talks about this, but like your relationship with yourself determines how you show up in those relationships.

Yeah.

Those types of different friendships can exist.

So Platonic, your first book, was about secure attachment with friends.

And now Worth, your upcoming book, is about secure attachment with yourself.

[upbeat music] Hello, I'm Sarah Cohan, a relationship and marriage coach, and I help people heal their attachment styles to have a better relationship.

Today, I'm gonna talk to you about the five steps to create secure attachment for a better relationship.

So if you've found out about your attachment style, if you're reading books about your attachment style, what I really wanna do in this episode is tell you what the steps are so that you know what you are working on in order to have secure attachment.

It's something I'm really passionate about.

I grew up in a home with abuse and chaos, and as an adult, I started to take those patterns into my relationship with my now husband.

So I'm excited to share it with you because it's made such an impact on my own relationship, and not just my marriage, but my work relationships, my relationships with my bosses, my family, my siblings, and my friends.

So it's just enriched my life and I'm hoping this will help you to see the things that you need to be focusing on.

So if you have an insecure attachment style, here are the common issues that you're going to see in relationships.