So I guess where I want a little bit more clarity around is at what point do you notice that you're self-sabotaging the relationship versus getting out of a bad or toxic relationship? If you can give us some examples of what self-sabotaging behavior looks like, that would be great.

Yeah, that's a really good point.

If it only happened once, I wouldn't call that a sabotage because you're exactly right.

If it's not a good relationship, get out.

Yeah.

The way I see it as defining as sabotage is the cycle.

So if you see yourself again and again, getting into relationships and moving through them quite quickly and having that quick justification, oh, it didn't work because, this is not good for me because, I got out of it because.

Okay, so that's I could see like, if you're a victim, but like, what if you're actually, you know, doing one of the things that we talked about earlier, like criticizing him or stonewalling him, like, will he call you out on those behaviors also?

Mais le plus gros obstacle, pour Raquel Pil, c'est que ces conversations, elles sont intrinsèquement difficiles.

Avoir une conversation difficile n'est pas quelque chose de naturel.

C'est une compétence qui s'apprend.

Il faut la pratiquer, l'exercer.

Et pour certaines personnes, c'est un exercice tellement inconfortable qu'elles vont tout faire pour l'éviter tant qu'elles n'y sont pas contraintes.

Dans une amitié, c'est plus facile d'éviter le conflit.

À moins de vivre ensemble, il y a une séparation physique qui permet d'éviter ça.

On comprend bien comment on peut passer des années sans parler des sujets qui fâchent, mais il y a fort à parier que les conflits non résolus nous éloignent progressivement.