Punch and Judy

Madam, this is the BBC.

This isn't your two-bit Punch and Judy thing on ITV.

You want to look at this filth, you go to ITV2.

Keith Lemons over there, go and tell him.

When some relationship was established between us, and I had to serve as a link among the three races, we had a grand festa to which the Slavs contributed some guttural songs and clumsy dances, and the Italians sleight-of-hand performances, which made them appear still more uncanny to the Slavs.

They also supplied a marionette theater of the Punch and Judy show variety, and last but not least, music from a hurdy-gurdy which played the dulcet notes of Cavaliere Rusticana, and a dashing tune about Margherita, Margherita.

"Signors and Signorinas," said Pietro, after he had played all the tunes of his limited repertoire, "I have the great honor of presenting to you the national anthem of the great American country to which we are traveling." He turned the crank, and out came the ragtime notes of Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay.

The last number on the program was a song by a Russian Jewess, a woman whose beauty was marred by bleached hair, which had grown rusty, and by a complexion upon which rouge and powder had done their worst.

introduction of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horne for more information or to volunteer please visit memoirs of a london doll introduction to boys and girls who like good stories when i was a girl taking many a long journey in the land of story-books my favorite stories were of two kinds one was about boys and girls who lived in the country spending long happy days waiting in rollicking brooks riding on fragrant loads of hay picking blueberries playing in the great barn making pets of turtles and field mice and all sorts of creatures the reason i dearly loved these stories was because in summer i was a country girl myself on the beautiful massachusetts farm of my great-great-grandfathers i loved to hear my mother tell stories of her girlhood about her good times with the boys and girls of the little red schoolhouse about singing school and cattle show and sugaring off and endless pleasures delightfully unlike those of my own experience the queer old-fashioned clothes that we found on rainy days in Grandmother's attic, the spinning wheels and candle molds and quilting frames, the quaint cradle, the hair trunk, the till chest, the yellowed diary and account books in the brass-handled desk all made us children feel very close to those bygone days which our elders told about on evenings when nearby uncles and aunts and cousins gathered in Grandmother's sitting room.

how small and quiet we children tried to make ourselves those evenings in the sweet summer dark hoping our parents would forget to say bedtime for the young fry and drive us away from their jolly and thrilling reminiscences of old times our best-loved story was one about plucky great-grandmother and how she frightened a bear away without a gun and how we envied our parents when we heard that they had played indian and early settler in the ruins of the very blockhouse which our forebears and their neighbors had built for refuge from king philip's redskins back in the sixteen seventies you see it was quite natural that stories of old times both of country and city life should have a special charm for me my other favorite story books were about english children a sea change a york and a lancaster rose a story of a short life merry england where among those i read again and again as for the prince and the pauper it would take a volume larger than this one if i were to try to tell you how i felt about that beautiful story one of the queer things about grown-ups which boys and girls do not often suspect is that while we seem so different from you with our gray heads and bald heads and glasses our shortness of breath when we run for the train our strange preference for an easy chair and a book by the fire rather than the chance to dance all night or to skate all day inside of us there is something that never grows up and because a part of us always stays boy or girl what we particularly loved when we were children we keep on particularly loving as long as we live so when i am hunting for books for the children's room shelves of our public libraries although i try to find those on every kind of interesting subject because reading in ruts is bad for anyone young or old i confess to keen delight when i come upon first-rate stories of the sort that were my favorites when i was a girl a few years ago an old brooklyn library was preparing to move from its ancient quarters into a spick-and-span new building going over the dusty shelves one day i found a shabby little book in faded red covers with funny old-fashioned pictures among the yellowed pages the title of the book at once caught my fancy memoirs of a london doll in two seconds i was miles and miles away from the dusty shelves of the prosaic library on the clattering commonplace brooklyn street i was up in the spratt's garret room under the leaves of the dingy tenement on the dusky london street where the spratt family father mother and three children ate and slept and worked at the trade of making jointed wooden dolls i followed with absorbed interest the fortunes of what must have been the most remarkable doll ever turned out by the spratts the one whose first little mother named her maria poppet maria poppit was a doll of character who kept her eyes open and who never neglected an opportunity to learn from every event of her varied life who was not puffed up by association with rank and wealth nor cast down by harrowing experiences who valued loving hearts above jewels and titles and the glitter and show of fashion mary poppit had fine gifts as a story-teller too if she had been required by one of her little mother's governesses to write a composition the task would have offered no difficulties to her what she saw in the london of nearly a hundred years ago she makes us see the twelfth-night customs the lord mayor's show punch and judy the christmas pantomime the zoo the life of little lady flora waited upon by governess and maids and powdered footmen and the lives of the little milliner girls driven by cruel aunt sharpshins from six o'clock in the morning till eight o'clock at night how delightfully puzzling are some of the quaint old words maria poppit uses she speaks of the turbans worn by the ladies of her day did you think turbans belonged to arabian nights characters only maria wore a frock and trousers and stays or no she wore a small under bodice of white jean instead of stays her frock was made of lemon-colored merino her little mother pattered about the room in list shoes and maria's mother did not go to the dry-goods store nor the grocers nor did they buy pies at the baker's they visited the draper's and the greengrocer's and bought raspberry tarts at the pastry cook's and what do you suppose a teetotum is and a tinkerrum if you have a great-grandmother perhaps she can tell you and she may sing as did my grandmother the quaint old tunes they're all nodding and cherry ripe and others which maria heard the london street organ play sometimes boys and girls look rather scornfully upon old-fashioned things they think that nothing which is not up to date can possibly be as fine as modern shows well i for one never saw a fifth avenue window display and i love to gaze into fifth avenue shops more dazzling than the pastry cook's window on twelfth night nor a more gorgeous parade than the lord mayor's nor a play more enchanting than the new grand christmas pantomime which the london dolls saw at drury lane theatre in the old-fashioned days of the story and i do not believe that any american child visiting one of our enormous bewildering toy departments at christmas time sees treasures more truly satisfying than lady flora found in the london toy shops years and years ago you will not wonder that when i finished reading maria poppit's most entertaining memoirs i was eager to find copies of her story to place in all our brooklyn children's libraries i searched the shops in vain the little book had been out of print for many years the book trade people reported so i treasured in my office the shabby copy i had found in the old library hoping that some day something would happen that would give to all our children the fun of reading the charming story that something has happened at last miss seaman as delighted as i with the london doll's memoirs has persuaded the macmillan company to bring out a new edition of the old story and to make everything as nice as possible the new volume is to be of the same size as the original book and its pages are to be printed in the same type only the pictures will be different and very much prettier than the old pictures i feel certain that maria would approve of the new dress in which her story appears i expect that when boys glance at the title they will immediately decide that this story cannot possibly be interesting to them they will miss some good entertainment if they make that mistake i am quite sure that whoever reads this story to the last page will close the book eager to read at once memoirs of a country doll which maria hoped would some time be made public Clara Whitehill Hunt End of Introduction Read by Ellen Corcoran CHAPTER I. MEMOIRS OF A LONDON DOLL BY RICHARD HENRY HORN.

In a large dusky room, at the top of a dusky house, in one of the dusky streets of High Holborn, there lived a poor dollmaker whose name was Spratt.

He was an extremely small man for his age, and not altogether unlike a Spratt in the face.

THE PORTRAIT PAINTER the new-foundland dog soon found that the smell of my burnt clothes and scorched skin was not the same as a broiled bone and that in fact i was not good to eat but he still continued to hold me in his great warm red mouth because he was used to fetch and carry and as he felt no wish to taste me he thought he would take me just as i was to his young mistress who was not far off he had merely wandered about hanover street to amuse himself as he knew the neighborhood very well the dog ran through the doorway of some private stables into a passage that led into the square and turning down first one street then another he soon stopped at a door upon which was written j c johnson portrait painter the door was shut but the area gate happened to be open so down ran the dog into the area and into the front kitchen and across that to the stairs and up the stairs three flights till he came to the front room of the second floor which was ajar and in he bounced there sat a little girl and her aunt and mr j c johnson was painting the aunt's portrait in a great white turban the dog ran at once to the little girl and laying me at her feet sprang back a step or two and began wagging and swishing his tail about and hanging out a long crimson tongue and breathing very fast and waiting to be praised and patted and called a good dog for what he had brought oh nep cried the aunt to the dog what horrid thing have you brought some dirty old bone it's an indian idol i believe said mr johnson taking me up from the carpet an indian image of ebony much defaced by time i think said the little girl to whom mr johnson handed me i think it looks very like a wooden doll with a burnt frock and scorched face well so it is i do believe said the aunt let me examine the figure once more said the portrait painter laying down his palette of colors but keeping his brush in the other hand yes yes i fancy madam your niece is correct it is not a work of indian art nor of egyptian nor of grecian art it is the work of a london doll-maker i expected he was of course about to say by the celebrated mr spratte but he did not oh you poor london doll said the little girl what a pity you were not made in india or somewhere a wonderful way off then mr johnson would have to take pity on you and painted you all over mr johnson laughed at this and then gave such a droll look at the little girl and such a good-natured look at me well he said to her well my little dear leave this black doll with me and when you come again with your aunt you shall see what i have done the aunt thanked mr johnson for his pleasant promise while she was taking off her turban to depart and away they went the newfoundland dog nep leaping downstairs before them to show the way they were from buckinghamshire and had lodgings only a few streets distant the aunt was mrs brown her niece was mary hope mary hope's father was a clerk in the bank but she chiefly lived with her aunt in the country as her father had seven other daughters and a small salary as soon as they were gone mr johnson told his son to tear off all my burned clothes scrape me all over with the back of a knife and then wash me well with soap and water when this was done the good-natured artist painted me all over from head to foot when i was dry he again painted me all over with a warmer color like flesh and when that also was dry he painted my cheeks and lips and eyebrows and finally he gave me a complete skin of the most delicate varnish my beautiful hair was entirely burned off and mr johnson said this was a sad pity as he did not know how to supply it but his son told him there was a doll's wig shop very near the temple where a new head of hair could be got so the kind mr johnson took the measure of my head and when he went out for his evening walk he went to the shop and bought me the most lovely dark auburn wig with long ringlets and his son glued it on when all was done they hung me up in a safe place to dry the hanging up to dry immediately reminded me of my infancy in the shop of mr spratt when i first dangled from the beam and looked round upon all my fellow-creature dolls who were dangling and staring and smiling on all sides the recollection was on the whole pleasing i seem to have lived a long time since that day how much i had to recollect there was the doll shop in holborn and little emmy who used to read little books in the back room the marset books the harriet myrtle books the mary howitt books and the delightful story of the good-natured bear in short all the different stories and histories and voyages and travels and fairy tales she had read and there was the master of the shop in his brown paper cocked hat and thomas plummey and the cake and ellen plummey and twelfth night in the pastrycook's shop and the different scenes that i had witnessed among the little milliners and the making of my first frock and trousers under the tent upon ellen plummey's bed and my life in hanover square during which i saw so many great places in great london and had been taught by lady flora's governess to write and had fallen headlong from a box at an opera into a gentleman's hat and where after having beautiful ball-dresses made my little lady mamma and i both caught fire and lastly there was my tumble over the wall into the passage where the newfoundland dog had fancied i was a broiled bone and caught me in his mouth here was a biography to recollect while for the second time in my life i was hanging up for my paint and varnish to dry End of chapter 11.

Read by Ellen Corcoran.

chapter eleven of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horne chapter twelve punch and judy when mary hope and her aunt came to the portrait painters house he presented me to her with a smiling look there miss mary said he you see i have been at work upon this child of yours and i think with good effect and now that the countenance can be seen we should observe that this doll has really very good features i mean that they are more marked than is common with dolls she has a good nose very bright eyes and what is very uncommon to see in a doll she has something like a chin she has also a very pretty mouth and a sensible forehead but another remarkable discovery i have made is that of her name this bracelet which i have cleaned and brightened i find to be gold and upon it is engraved mary poppet mary hope received me with great pleasure and gave mr johnson many many thanks for his kindness in taking so much pains about me but what dress said she is this you have given her is it not too warm i fear it is said mr johnson laughing it is only a bit of green baize for a wrapper and an old silver cord for a girdle which i happened to have at hand and thought this was better than nothing you can make her a nice new summer dress when you get home mary declared she would do so that very day the sitting for aunt brown's portrait being concluded she went downstairs with mary who carried me tossing me up in the air for joy and catching me as i was falling this frightened me very much and i was so glad when we got downstairs upon the mat we found the great dog nep asleep he jumped up in a moment and went bouncing out before us into the street a hackney coach was waiting at the door and directly the steps were let down nep jumped in first we arrived at their lodgings which were very comfortable and very quiet after all the alarms and dangers and narrow escapes and troubles i had recently gone through the weather was very rainy nearly the whole week so that i was never taken out during that time but the days passed very pleasantly as i often heard mary read pretty books aloud to her aunt she also busied herself in making me new clothes for indeed i wanted everything as at this time my only dress was the green baize robe with a bit of old silver cord around the waist which mr johnson had given me one fine day after the bad weather was over a hackney-coach was at the door waiting to take us out somewhere down we went neptune as usual running downstairs before us with his red tongue out and leaping in first now mary said her aunt as we drove along shall we go to the exhibition of pictures at the royal academy in trafalgar square neptune do not poke your great nose so up my knees or shall we go to the diorama in regent's park neptune your paws are not clean you will soil my silk gown or shall we go to the panorama in leicester square neptune your nose is so cold or shall we go to the british museum oh dear aunt said mary i do not know which is best i should like to go to them all nep you must not lick the doll's face the fresh paint may come off but you cannot see all in the same day said her aunt no aunt replied mary i know that only i could not help saying what i should like let us go first then to the british museum but will they let me take maria papa in with me i should think they would hardly object said her aunt for i never yet saw a doll left among the walking-sticks and umbrellas at the door however plain the doll might be they could never object to a pretty doll like maria though to be sure she might be better dressed really you must make haste with her clothes i cannot let you take her out any more in that strange dress mr johnson tied around her mary promised to finish my clothes in a day or two at this moment the coach stopped in consequence of a crowd that was assembled in the street around a performance of punch and judy mary's aunt put down the glass at one side in order to see what occasioned the stoppage and as it was quite impossible for the coach to go on immediately both mary and her aunt sat looking out of the window at the acting of mr punch he was behaving in his usual naughty and impudent way and was now pretending to nurse his child this child was a wooden doll dressed in an old green sort of nightgown not unlike the color of my own green wrapper presently the child was heard to cry very loudly so mr punch declared that he would have nothing to do with such a cross child and would throw it out of the window the child cried again and punch actually did what he had threatened and tossed the wooden doll out upon the heads of the crowd who were gathered around and it fell somewhere among them this produced such scrambling and confusion and laughing and noise that it made neptune jump up in our coach and thrust his head out of the coach window to see what was the matter when the people saw this they laughed louder than before and made more noise so that nep thinking they meant to be rude to us began to bark and throw himself about from one side to the other in doing which he accidentally ran his head against mary's shoulder with such a jerk that he knocked me out of her arms and i fell down among the crowd oh nep nep cried mary what have you done in a moment out of the window jumped neptune and began to scramble through the crowd in search of me barking away as loudly as he could the disturbance and confusion increased but who shall describe my dismay when i saw nep in his haste seize upon the child of mr punch and carry it back in his mouth to the coach instead of me while at the same moment a tall man picked me up handed me into punch's show saying here take your child mr punch chapter twelve read by ellen corkran chapter thirteen of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horne the city how long it was before the performance concluded i do not know as i was in so distressed and confused state of mind all i can remember is that i was thrown headlong into a small box among a number of dirty old wooden dolls dressed in rags and bits of cloth of all colors here i lay a few minutes till a shrill squeaking voice that came through somebody's nose cried out hooray and then down tumbled mr punch himself into the box right across me and the lid of the box was instantly shut down and there we all lay squeezed together in the dark i soon began to feel wretchedly uncomfortable it was so close and hot and i also had a very bad headache owing to something that pressed hard upon my head when the box was next opened i found it was mr punch's high-crowned wooden hat that had hurt me in consequence of one of its hard corners pressing against the back of my head the master of the show now began to take some of us out for a morning's performance and to arrange the dolls upon a board in the order in which he should want them to make their appearance now he said i want the infant meaning punch's child i want the infant where is punch's young one then taking me up ah what is this said he how did this creature come here why somehow she has got here in the place of the infant she must have popped in by mistake during the noise in the street with that great barking doll well she's too big for me and she's much too good to throw away so i had better sell her he had scarcely uttered these words when the sound of clo clo clo met our ears and the master of the show immediately issued from underneath his curtain with me in his hand and beckoned the jew clothesman to come to him he proposed to sell me and after half an hour's bargaining during which so many words were exchanged that my patience was quite worn out and i did not care what became of me the jew carried me away in his bag i felt myself quite as disagreeably situated as when he squeezed among the family of mr punch for my companions in the bag appeared to be two old waistcoats with hard metal buttons pressing against my left cheek an old hat three pairs of old shoes seven pairs of slippers a humming-top a teetotum a snuffer tray a coat that seemed greasy a tin pot some old gold lace a bundle of rags seven bones two rabbit skins a stuffed parrot the head of a rocking horse a tin box and canister a cow's horn a pound of yellow soap a woolen nightcap five pairs of worsted stockings a parcel of tobacco and half a roast goose i was sadly afraid that the brass buttons and the edges of the tin box and canister the snuffer tray or the head of the rocking-horse or the beak of the stuffed parrot would destroy the beautiful complexion mr johnson had given me when fortunately the very same idea occurred to the cautious mind of the wise old jew who suddenly put his hand into the bag and thrusting my head and shoulders into a worsted stocking he rolled the rest of me tightly in the coat and then crammed me into the old hat with my legs upwards one of my hands however happened accidentally to be left free and in cramming me into the hat which fitted very tight this hand went through a split in the edge of the crown i should have not thought much of the circumstance but that i had presently discovered the hat to have a strong scent of otto of rose and then i suddenly recollected that this must be the very hat into which i had fallen at the opera my first acquaintance with the hat having been in the most fashionable place in london this was a strange place of meeting for both of us in the evening when the jew arrived at his lodgings and had eaten his supper of fried soles and german sausage with a bunch of white turnip radishes he emptied the whole contents of his bag out on the floor and bent over from his chair for some minutes with a face of great satisfaction he had collected all this bag full in one day yes said he taking me up from all the rest yes this is the best part of my day's work i was beginning to feel pleased at this compliment when the jew added this is a beautiful wooden doll but her gold bracelet is the thing for me so i saw it was not i but my gold bracelet that pleased his fancy he took me to a little table and there with a pair of pincers he took off my bracelet and in its place he fastened a stupid piece of tin upon which with the point of a broken fork he scratched maria poppet i could have cried bitterly at the change but i was able to restrain myself i felt that i should not remain long with the old jew because he would soon sell me the very next day he actually did sell me and my purchaser was an italian organ boy this boy had been used to carrying a monkey about on top of his organ who sat there in a red jacket and soldier's cap and made faces while the boy's little sister went around to collect halfpence in a tambourine this poor little monkey had caught a very bad cold by being out in the rain one night and he had died and the italian boy had come to the jew to know if he would buy it to stuff for a glass case the old jew considered a long while and then said he would give no money for the poor little pug but he would give him something that would be better for him because it would help him to make money so saying he offered me to the boy in exchange for the monkey the italian boy hesitated at first he said he wanted a little money but his sister exclaiming oh do brother let us have the doll he consented and fitting on me the red jacket he stuck me upon the top of the organ and off we went into the street to the tune of i'd be a butterfly which he immediately began to play we went through many streets playing various tunes by the way and getting many pennies and half-pennies until we arrived at guildhall when brigida that was the little girl's name said she wanted to run in and show me two very large dolls indeed called gog and magog so do said her brother whose name was marco and while you go i'll play the tune i think gog and magog would like best and he immediately began once more to play i'd be a butterfly we ran in and saw the great ugly things oh they were such great dolls and it was such a large room out ran brigitte again and we went to the mansion house and played sweet home in the middle of which a fat gentleman who had just come out of a pastry cook's put a slice of plum cake into brigitte's tambourine we then went and played cherry ripe in front of the monument but we did not play long as brigitte got frightened it looked so high she was afraid it would tumble down and spoil dolly we next went and played in front of the london tavern in bishopgate street but there happened to be a great public dinner going on so one of the waiters told us to go away as there was an alderman just then making a speech and we disturbed him so we walked slowly away playing their all nodding now we went to st paul's churchyard and played the old hundredth psalm and god save the queen and cherry ripe i never saw anything before or since that looked so great to me as st paul's for although there was a most beautiful doll shop within sight i could not help looking all the time at the great building after this as we had made one shilling and sevenpence in the course of the day we went home to marco's lodgings he had a little room behind the back kitchen of a cobbler's house in the neighbourhood of london bridge brigida placed me on a straw mattress up in one corner and then took out two plates and a mug without a handle from a cupboard in the wall and marco then laid upon the plate several things to eat which he had bought on their way home among which i saw something that looked very much like an ounce of sugar candy besides a piece of plum-cake that had been put into brigida's tambourine they were very merry over their supper then marco who was very tired from having carried the organ about all day fell fast asleep and brigida presently took out from a little bundle several pieces of bright scarlet and green stuff and in the neatest manner possible began to make me a very pretty dress just like the one she had on herself i was very glad of this for i did not at all like being dressed like the monkey she was a very pretty little girl of about nine years of age with a dark brown complexion and red lips and large black eyes and long black glossy curling hair i passed several weeks with this merry little mamma who was always laughing or chattering or playing the tambourine and collecting halfpence in it or dancing me about except when i sat upon the organ in the place of the monkey i saw a great deal of london by this means but more particularly of the city as far as from temple bar to the thames tunnel because marco knew a great many houses where there were children who liked to hear the organ and he and his sister generally visited each house about once a week chapter thirteen read by ellen chapter fourteen of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horn the day approached for the lord mayor's show margot determined that brigida should see it and my pretty italian mamma determined that i should see it too so out we went early to get a good place marco leaving the organ at home up in one corner as he said the lord mayor would be sure to have plenty of music without his help and they should find the organ very troublesome to themselves and other people too in a great crowd we arrived in cheapside about eight o'clock on the way we had turned up a little alley where a man kept an early breakfast stall and had two pints of hot coffee and two thick slices of bread and butter and when these were eaten marco bought two more which he wrapped up in a large cabbage leaf and put into his pocket he said they were sure to get hungry with waiting in the street well as i said we got into cheapside before eight o'clock it was a foggy morning and wet and muddy under foot but still there were a great many people going backwards and forwards and all looking very busy and anxious we first chose a spot near bow church but very soon a number of tall people came and stood in front of us so that we could not see through them nor over their heads marco said to one of the tallest men i wish you would be so kind as to move a little sir we cannot see over your head oh said the unkind man suppose you find another place and so let us said brigida for we can see nothing here through these tall bodies come on marco we accordingly walked on we had only gone a few paces when marco said he recollected there had been a fire in cheapside only a few days ago on the opposite side of the way and as there could not have been time to build a new house or even pull down the old one we might perhaps get up into the ruins somewhere he was quite right there stood a black shell of a house with some wooden planks in front of all the lower windows the crowd was now fast collecting we ran across and pushing aside one of the planks in we got scrambled over a great quantity of rubbish and black bricks and beams and smoke and dirt and broken things and with great difficulty marco climbed up the remains of a broken staircase to see if it could be safely attempted now brigida said he when he was up on a broad beam running close underneath the first-floor windows now brigida it's all safe come up but how shall i get the poppet up said brigida oh said marco make haste for i see more people getting in by the windows and you will lose your place throw her up to me make haste i trembled from head to foot but before i had time to think more about my fears the little girl pitched me up in the air and in the cleverest way possible marco caught me in his two hands then up got brigida and the first thing she did was to station me between two broken bricks at the side of the window so that i could look down from this height upon the whole of the lord mayor's show as it passed in the street beneath we had an excellent place at the middle window of the ruined case of the burned house we had not been here for a minute before a crowd of people got in through the planks below several of which were broken down and in they came rushing and tried to clamber up to the windows however we three kept our good places and now came peppering down a shower of rain and then another shower of rain stronger than the first and then there came another shower of rain that lasted an hour and then there was a thick yellow fog for another hour and then the rain ceased and the fog began to clear away and when the fog was gone suddenly the sun came out and shone very brightly now said marco let us eat our other slices of bread and butter this they did with great pleasure the sun shining like gold upon the butter all the time they had scarcely done eating when boom came the sound of a great drum and all sorts of musical instruments struck up and the boom of the great drum was quickly followed by the rub-a-dub row de dow of smaller drums and the toor-a-loo of fifes and then we saw the show coming along the streets the streets were lined with soldiers who had made a long alley on the outside of the soldiers next to the houses the crowds were struggling to look over the soldiers heads and along the inside of the alley formed by the soldiers the show came pompously along in the middle of the street i have said that i was seated between two broken bricks at one side of the wall and next to me was brigida there were at least five people standing behind us at the same window looking over our heads and behind brigida was a person in a waterproof cape part of which hanging over brigida's left shoulder came just in front of my face brigida perceived this and several times pushed the cape back to enable me to see but as the show came on and got finer and finer and more thick with men all dressed in colors and silks and ribbons and gold lace and the horses in their fine harnesses and trappings came nodding and dancing along and the coaches got more golden and shining with fat figures and cocked hats sitting inside and very fat gentlemen with red faces in splendid waistcoats and the crowds of cocked hats and the multitudes of knees with shining buckles increased all of this splendor i had only time to take one look and then the heavy cape again fell before my eyes and brigida was too much engaged herself to think any more of removing it however i did occasionally manage to see because a person in the waterproof cape moved about and often bent himself from side to side to see better and once when he did so i got sight of the two men in armor two men covered all over one in iron and one in brass just as lobsters are covered with their shells only shining in the sun and riding on large black horses beside these i also saw the principal dolls of this wonderful show i mean the lord mayor in his coach with the wooden sword-bearer and the gingerbread mace-bearer at least they looked like wood and gingerbread and indeed so did the lord mayor himself the sword-bearer and the mace-bearer both sat back to back at the open windows in a thorough draught and they both appeared to have got cold in their noses we had an excellent view of the lord mayor in his robe of scarlet with gold and coloured stripes over it and wearing a beautiful necklace hanging down upon his breast he gave a sigh as he passed us and laid his hand upon his fine stomach and then he gave a smile the coach was drawn by eight horses with proud necks all covered with rich aprons and ribbons and straps and tassels and tinkerums and things and with quantities of colored ribbon bows and streamers and gold lace and brass nails and buckles then the coach oh what a coach it was like a coach made of glass set in a very fine fancy-looking glass frame and stuck on a sort of gilded car all covered with paintings and gold carvings and sweetmeats extremely like several coaches i had seen on twelve cakes only a great deal bigger i wondered very much if it was made of sugar we waited till the procession returned it was a long time but we were determined to wait when they all came back we saw besides the fine gentlemen a number of beautiful fat ladies in feathers with diamonds and rosy cheeks the fattest of whom and the most beautiful of course was the lady mayoress in an apricot satin dress with all sorts of embroidery and lace and ribbons and spangles and precious things and looking all so stiff and expensive behind the glass but yet seeming to be alive although afraid to move in the least for fear of injuring some part of all this dress i thought it was so kind of everybody in the show to take time and trouble to let themselves be dressed for us to see them all of a sudden we heard a great crack and then a loud cry from a number of people below the wall is falling come down all of you no one wanted a second warning and all who were up at the windows went scrambling down as quick as they could and in the best way they could but how it was all done i have no notion as marco had suddenly seized me and thrust me head foremost into his pocket while i remained for two or three hours and when next taken out i found myself in a little back room where they were going to have some supper of macaroni chapter fourteen read by ellen corcoran chapter fifteen of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horn the next events of my life were two pleasures and one pain the pain was a change of circumstances and the first pleasure was the possession of a new wardrobe how could i have a new wardrobe when my mamma was only the little sister of a poor italian organ-boy and had but one dress for herself it all came about through what i considered at the time a great misfortune it was the change of my present mamma for another and i was very fond of my little italian mamma and therefore was sorry to be obliged to leave her the day after lord mayor's day was cold and wet but notwithstanding we all went out with the organ for marco said we must earn some money to make up for yesterday which was a day of pleasure so we went round to several houses where he was accustomed to play at last we got to finsbury square and there began to play before a house where a little girl called lydia thompson lived her papa was a partner in the house of barclay and perkins the great brewers and she used to come out on the balcony when marco played and always threw him a penny and sometimes danced up and down on the balcony to his music well while we were playing on the cold wet day it began to snow and little lydia who was dancing on the balcony was obliged to run into the warm drawing-room for fear she should catch cold and when she looked out she thought brigitte seemed so wet and cold in the snow that she almost began to cry and asked her mamma to let us all come in her mamma gave us leave so down she ran and brought us all in and placed us by a warm parlor fire then away she ran to her mamma again and presently came back dancing and skipping about before a servant who carried a tray with two plates full of roast mutton and potatoes from the servants dinner and she told marco and brigida to begin to eat and they laughed and looked so pleased and ate away and began to look so much warmer and more comfortable then away she ran and brought down a box full of sweetmeats and sugar-plums and put it down before brigida and said that is for you and brigida kissed her hand to her so prettily and said thank you dear little lady then marco asked if he might play to her and she said oh yes so he played all his tunes and she danced up and down the passage and in and out of the room when all the tunes were done marco said now we must go so they bid good-bye and the servant opened the door and the wind blew in very cold so the little girl said shut the door again and wait a minute and ran away again to her mamma and after about five minutes down she came bringing a warm woollen shawl for brigida and an old cape of her papa's for marco and she said my mamma gives you these oh they were so much obliged to her they thought her such a dear kind little girl and brigida's large black eyes filled with tears while she thanked her but little lydia only danced and jumped about then brigida put on the shawl and took me up and i thought she was going to carry me away with her but she said dear kind little lady take this doll for me it is such a great pleasure to me to have something to give to you lydia said but you like to have the doll no no answered brigida take it dear little lady so she and marco hurried away and left me with lydia thompson i was at first very sorry to be parted from my merry italian mamma but i soon became very fond of this kind little lydia she used to play with me a great deal and she took off that ugly tin bracelet from my arm but not till she had read my name maria poppet she dressed me very nicely too so that i had as i have said a new wardrobe and a very few days after i was settled in this new home i had the second pleasure i have mentioned it happened in this manner one very cloudy morning a voice crying clo clo came down finsbury square and stopped in front of our house again the voice said clo and then after stopping a little said very little clo clo i recollected whose voice it was in a moment and it made me tremble it was the old jew who had bought me of punch's showman lydia had left me sitting at the nursery window with my nose and cheek resting against the glass i could therefore look out and i now saw him walk up to the area and poke his head through the iron rails looking down so that i saw only his round shoulders and his rusty black bag now i heard the area door open as if one of the maids was coming out and instantly the jew said my dear i want to speak something speak then said the merry voice of my mamma's nursery maid come up the area steps my dear said the jew it's a cold wind and i'm rather hoarse to-day and besides my dear i've something of great consequence to speak the nursery maid ran up saying well be quick then yes my dear said the jew and then lowering his voice he said you've got a wooden doll in the house my dear i trembled more than ever at this i thought he had come for me well said the nursery maid and what of that is that all you've got to say with your whispering and winking and screwing your face not at all my dear said the jew your doll is a doll of some rank and consequence and her family name is poppet and her other name is maria well lock now said the maid how did you guess that guess it my dear said the jew i knew it long ago she used to have a bracelet upon her arm with the name engraved upon it yes so she had so she had said the maid a tin one it was the jew laughed and said a gold one my dear it was tin when you had her i dare say but formerly in the days of her greatness my dear she had one made of pure gold and i can tell you what here he again lowered his voice i know where the gold one is i can find it yes my dear i can and i may as well just let you have a peep at it here the jew drew something in a paper out of his pocket and held it up oh my said the nursery-maid well if ever there's maria poppit engraved upon it and you've bought it back to young missis oh how pleased she will be yes my dear said the jew putting it back into his pocket you can tell them what you've seen and say that i have no objection to selling it to oblige them and it's pure gold you know my dear and i'll come again to-morrow morning and away he went leaving the poor nursery maid calling out after him in vain well this was the talk of the whole house everybody was so much interested about it next morning the jew came and asked to see mrs thompson he was shown into the passage and then he produced the gold bracelet which fitted my wrist exactly and everybody admired it very much particularly lydia who kissed it several times you will sell it of course said mrs thompson after long hesitation and consideration the jew named his price mrs thompson then made him an offer of some money for it but the jew said he could melt it and make more by it than that at the sound of melting it lydia began to cry bitterly so we were all sent away into the nursery and told to wait till mrs thompson came to us How it was settled I do not know, but after waiting about a half an hour, we heard the sound, and Mrs. Thompson came upstairs, bringing the bracelet in her hand, and that very day it was fastened on my wrist as at first.

End of Chapter 15 Read by Ellen Corcoran chapter sixteen of memoirs of a london doll by richard henry horn the new grand christmas panamime lydia thompson had long been promised to be taken to the next christmas panamime and the happy day for this had now arrived all the morning long lydia was so restless she was unable to remain quiet for two minutes together if she sat down to work she was often obliged to get up and dance and then to run and look out at the window and then to run downstairs singing then to hop up again upon one leg then to run and look at the playbill and read it all through aloud then to try and read it topsy-turvy and ask me to help her then to dance me up in the air then to run and roll over and over with me on the sofa crying out oh maria oh maria we're going to see the new grand christmas pantomime at last the evening came we were dressed in good time my mamma lydia wore a white frock and blue sash and looked very nice but she made me look beautiful for she said i should be dressed in a way to suit a beautiful pantomime so she made me a frock of thin white muslin and trimmed it with some little pink roses that her mamma gave her and put a wreath of little pink roses round my hair the carriage came to the door and we drove off to the drury lane theatre there were lydia's papa and mamma and her two cousins and out they all jumped ran past the crowd at the door and up the stairs till we reached a private box which was exactly over one side of the stage upon which we looked down with great expectation i thought we should have seen better if we had been in a box in the middle of the theatre but still this was very nice we did nothing but clap our hands and look at the dark curtain the play was over we had not been allowed to come till the play was over because lydia's papa said he knew we should be tired if we did the house was very full of people and i began to look around me and up and down in all directions but who shall describe my pleasure and surprise when looking up into the two-shilling gallery whom i should see sitting in the very front row but the celebrated mr on one side of him was his wife who appeared to be eating periwinkles on the other side sat his two sons and daughter so that they every one of them had a front seat looking down into the pit who should i next see but the master of the doll shop who had fancied himself napoleon in a brown paper cocked hat with his daughter and little emmie at his side but what gave me far greater pleasure was to see very near them though a little in front ellen plummey and her brother thomas oh my dear little ellen plumy how i wish you were up here with us she sat on the right-hand side of thomas and on his left was nanny bell i now looked again around the house and in a private box nearly opposite to ours but larger and lower i saw a pretty delicate little girl most elegantly dressed whom i at once recognized as my little lady mamma flora i was so glad to be unable to see the least sign of any scars from the fire she was in the middle of this large box leaning over at one side almost hidden behind a red curtain and her large silk cloak sat lady flowerdale somehow i immediately thought of mary hope to whom i had been taken by the dog nep i did not see her it is true but while i was thinking of her and looking down into the pit i saw mr johnson the portrait painter peeling an orange looking at mr johnson with gratitude for all he had done for me after my burning it naturally made me think of how much more gratitude i owed to the celebrated mr spratt who had made me and i immediately looked up again towards the gallery where he sat but happening at first to look too high i caught sight in the one-shilling gallery of my little italian mamma brigida and her brother marco they were laughing talking and cracking nuts now we began to long for the pantomime to begin presently we heard all manner of sounds going on behind the curtain all manner of voices talking and calling and buzzing and humming the moving boards and the hammering and the placing of planks and beams and pushing and pulling about of heavy things and now then through one side of the curtain we saw a glimpse of something so bright that went by like tall flags on painted poles and tops of spears and parts of mantles of people's dresses and once underneath the bottom of the dark green curtain we saw run along a little pair of bright silver feet the sound of drums and trumpets was also heard to begin in a disorderly manner and then stop suddenly and end in a murmur of many voices and hurrying to and fro of many feet and now the band of musicians that played in the long orchestra beneath us came thronging in and seized upon all sorts of very great and very small instruments and began blowing and twanging and trying up and down and backwards and forwards and squeaking high and flourishing about and rumbling and tumbling and working very hard to get into order then they were quiet silent then tap tap went the fiddlestick of the leader of the orchestra who sat upon his high stool there was more silence than ever and suddenly off they all went all the instruments at once and played away in a most wonderful manner slow music and quick music and grand marches and all sorts of dances that made everybody's heart jump within and try to do whatever the music was doing the band ceased playing and very slowly indeed the dark curtain began to be drawn up as it went creeping upwards towards the high roof we gradually saw a great field in winter all white with snow and the snow coming down as the dark curtain went up and the snow came down it seemed that the box where we were in was sinking downwards also however it did not the scene we looked upon was a very large field of snow and large trees at the side all covered with snow and great woods at the back the snow presently ceased to fall and we saw ranges of hills behind the woods quite white like the rest all the time the music continued to play something that was so slow and cold and soft and melodious and grand the music was changed to an ugly broken hobbling harsh sound and at the farthest end of the field we saw a strong-made little old man in a dark blue cloak appear and come down towards the white shrubs in front just under us his hat was shaped of an extinguisher but with a broad brim as he approached we saw that he had a large blue nose and very large uneven teeth and blue goggle eyes ugh how we all shivered except lydia's papa and mamma who laughed and told us not to be frightened the music stopped and this ugly strong dwarf then repeated these words the frosty air shall take them and the wintry wind shall shake them and frozen boughs shall rake them while rocks and ruins break them and years shall always snip them while hours forever trip them and constant trouble dip them until time come and clips them all this shall be done to destroy all their dances and drive from the world its delightful romances as the ugly thick-limbed little dwarf said this he stamped one foot a loud wind was heard and in a moment he went straight down through the earth and was quite gone at the same moment we heard a sweet voice singing in the air which said he thinks he makes what mortals see it seems so but it shall not be before we had time to recover ourselves we saw that the whole scene of frost and snow was changing into a bright summer the green leaves came out upon the trees the sunbeams shot across the sky and played upon the distant woods and hills a warm glowing color came all over the scene and while the music played the prettiest dance we saw the spire of a village church slowly rise up among the trees at the back and a troop of villagers with wreaths and garlands of flowers all came dancing in and round and round and now came in a very pretty little village girl with her lover and the dancers all surrounded them with their garlands and they were all going to be very happy when a cross-looking old man in an earth-colored flannel gown who was the father of the pretty little village girl hobbled in and separated them and would not allow it and made signs that the young man was not rich enough to have his daughter he made signs that the young man had no fields and orchards and dogs and horses and houses and money and these were the things that he thought most to be loved and therefore that they made the best lover so the young man having none of these was driven away by the old father and two of his men with pitchforks when just as they were driving him out a noise was heard as if a great many penny trumpets were blown all the villagers made signs of seeing something wonderful coming then came the sound of one single penny trumpet and immediately afterwards there entered with a very consequential strut a figure with a large round head and red cheeks scarcely anybody and very thick grass-green legs and carrying in both hands an immense brass trumpet which however had only the sound of a very small penny one i come he said to herald the advance of the king of bubble island and i am his chief trumpeter upon which he lifted up his immense brass trumpet which said twee te twee twee now came in twenty more trumpeters like the first all with large trumpets blowing twee twee twee after them came marching in an army all the soldiers having helmets made of great white turnips with the green leaves nodding about for feathers and carrying shields of black glass in the middle of each which was seen a bowl of white soapsuds and a pipe these were followed by the king's prime minister and the other wise men of his court all of them blowing bubbles which rose into the air and looked most beautiful as fast as they burst the wise men blew more so that there were always a good many floating in the air each was attended by two valiant knights in glass armor of bottle green the one on the right bearing a bowl of soapsuds and the one on the left carrying a supply of soap and fresh pipes after these came dancing a great many golden coins of the realm all with the same face and all of them with thin spiders legs and their hands in their pockets and now came the king himself he had a large round head of glass coloured with green and pink and his face was coloured with green and pink and he wore a golden crown with spikes like a dog's collar which spouted up a great quantity of froth in the shape of feathers his body was quite round like his head only very much larger his hair was dark purple he had a short mantle edged with fur-like froth and his legs were the color of a blue-bottle fly spotted with gold his walk and air were like all the pride of the earth put into one chemist's bottle an immense blast of farthering trumpets announced his actual presence poor people exclaimed he villagers and people and things ye have dared to harbour among you no less a gentleman than the prince my son the heir of all these bubbles who has caused us all these troubles but what my grief doubles let me say is the fact that he has run away and our royal court doth mock bless my soul what young man is that in the brown frock the moment he said this the poor lover who was just being driven out by the three pitchforks began to run about and try to hide himself the prime minister and the wise men instantly drew from their sides each a telescope which they drew out to its full length and began to point in all directions to examine the young man crying out we think it is we think it is we think it is the prince the prime minister now jumped pick-a-back upon the back of the king's physician and pointed the telescope towards the feet of the young peasant crying out now i shall have him when the physician on whose back he was heard this he began to prance very much the prime minister whose observations through a telescope were much disturbed by his prancing then jumped down and lay flat upon his stomach pointing his glass towards the young man's face and then calling out i've got him it is the prince the moment the king heard his prime minister declare it to be actually his dear long-lost son he rushed as if mad with paternal feelings towards the young man and being unable to stop himself in time he and the prince together knocked down a cottage it fell flat down and they rolled amidst the ruins the village girls extricated the prince by the shoulders and the wise men pulled out the king by the legs drawing him along a good way on the ground to be sure that he was extricated then the king immediately remembered how very angry he had been with his son for running away and was going to knock him down with his golden sceptre when the father of the pretty little village girl that the prince was in love with ran up and received the blow instead which knocked him down upon his knees but instead of getting up he declared it was the greatest honor of his life to have been knocked down by the father of his daughter's lover whom he now discovered to be such a great person and to have so many fields and bags of gold and horses and people and soap bubbles base cladpole said his majesty is the prince my son in love with your little peasant girl with open arms crying out yes king of bubbles it is true then said the king blow me at the sound of these words the most terrible that could be heard in the whole kingdom of bubble island all the army uttered a howl and the prime minister and other wise men rushed to their bowls of soapsuds and filling the air with bubbles to try if their pipes were in the highest degree of perfection they then advanced towards the king and applied their pipes to different parts of his body to blow him as he ordered but suddenly was heard a great sound of wind and rain and the sky got dark and it began to snow and while they were all staring at the fast-falling snow the ugly strong-limbed dwarf with the blue nose and goggle eyes came walking down among them and said i will befriend thee king of bubbles and all thy foes i'll fill with troubles come frost and snow and cover all we see and change the face of life's reality at these words there began to descend a number of dark heavy clouds at the same time that a mist rose up from the earth till the clouds and the mist met and they all sang this chorus we will the face of nature change and makes its pleasant places strange covering all life with icy wing as thou mayst order bubble king very good said the king i'm much obliged to you mr blue-nosed dwarf and to all you ladies and gentlemen with frosty countenances now then at once i will thank you to cover the village where all these people live with snow to turn that peasant girl whom my son is so mad and stupid as to be in love with into a large icicle and make the prince a man of snow looking at her the spirits of the frost instantly seized upon the prince and the little peasant girl when suddenly a rosy light appeared in the middle of the dark clouds which got brighter and brighter and sent out rays of an orange color and then rays also of bright purple then the orange began to get golden and the purple to turn to bright violet and then in the middle of all there opened out a brilliant light and we saw a wheel of golden fire slowly turning round and in the centre of it stood a little child who seemed to be dressed in a bright silver gossamer with beautiful auburn hair and a silver wand in her hand and a bright violet star upon her forehead and the little voice called out spirits of the frost i charge ye sing again more truly mixing pleasure with the pain then the spirits of the frost sang these words we will the face of nature change and make the trussed things look strange but nature's heart will ever be deep beyond fate's tyranny and from kings bubbles surface free then the dwarf said but change is mine and strife and war then replied the child take them but work within my law the clouds now closed in front of the bright child spirit to the sound of soft music till each cloud became of a dull leaden colour as before presently came a loud sound of instruments from behind the clouds and a large silver arrow was seen to fly straight towards the young prince it struck him and he instantly turned into harlequin in a dress of bright gold and silver and red and blue and a black mask again the sound of a clang of instruments was heard behind the clouds and out dropped a bag of money upon the head of the village girl's father which knocked him down and when he got up he was poor old pantaloon with a goat's beard and a pig-tail and a red short mantle and a stick again a clang of instruments was heard and a great heavy stone was seen to fly out of the cloud straight at the glass head of his majesty the king of bubble island which it struck and with a sound like the breaking of six dozen of soda-water bottles his head flew into a million of pieces and up in its place rose the head of the clown with his mouth wide open at the same time all the royal robes of the king flew up into the air where they were blown about in all directions till they were at last blown quite away and there was the clown in his ridiculous red and white patch work dress once more was heard the clang of instruments behind the clouds and out of the clouds flew a beautiful bouquet of flowers which fell upon the head of the little peasant girl who instantly turned into the prettiest columbine that ever was seen in all the world she was like the brightest silver-footed fairy and yet at the same time she was such a little dear sweetheart but what do you think happened at this moment nobody would ever guess it was this my mamma lydia was in such excessive delight that she sank back with her arms thrown up and totally forgetting me i slipped over the edge of the box and fell upon the stage close to the little silver feet of columbine my mamma did not know i had fallen columbine had no idea where i came from so the next time she passed the spot where i lay she caught me up and ran with me to a room behind the scenes chapter sixteen read by ellen corkran CHAPTER XVII.

I don't know if you've watched Poltergeist lately, but it's the bit where...

The wee boy, like the son, he's looking under his bed and there's like a kind of a sort of punch doll, like a Punch and Judy punch doll or a clown or something.

And he's kind of looking, he's trying to tell, I think he's trying to tell if it's moved or not.

And then it sort of shoots out a sort of arm thing around his neck and starts choking him.

Yeah, yeah.

But even Punch and Judy's edgy.

Yeah.

Punch and Judy's about a wife beat.

Yeah, that's a bit more than edgy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a little bit more edgy.