Personal boundaries

We're meant to have a certain royalty.

We're meant to have boundaries, healthy boundaries of our own selves.

Somebody needs you, somebody needs your time.

It doesn't mean that you always have to say yes.

And for me, I couldn't believe it.

And so when I said the word healthy boundaries – She blew up.

So let me give you a bigger example with conditioning.

And I'm going to circle back, and it's going to make sense in a second.

Maybe you just like flipped out completely.

And so today, I want to start talking about... healthy boundaries.

And honestly, I think sometimes the hardest boundaries that we have to work on is really within ourselves.

We like to point the finger at all these other people in our lives.

And we like to over-explain.

It's because that's what we've always done.

So Healthy Boundaries is about not just dealing with someone who's giving you pushback for saying no, and it's not dealing with the fact that you want to go to the gym, but your mind's telling you a different story.

It's you learning who's in the driver's seat.

And I don't think, The need to, oh, I have to stay the night with this person.

I don't think that's setting healthy boundaries or healthy relationship status.

No, because here again, they could get themselves in a situation that would throw them into adulthood before they are ready for adulthood.

Right.

Kathryn Krick's last sermon, she spent half of it talking about how humble she was and then how much anointing she had.

A fifth bonus red flag, and this is the last one I've got, personal boundaries are treated like spiritual rebellion.

And let me give you an example of that.

A person might be pressured, especially in deliverance ministries or inner healing ministries, to disclose trauma that they're living with, or even their sexual history, any kind of deep sins that they have.

I've come to realize that I don't need to rush any decisions or try to force relationships that aren't healthy.

My counselor has helped me understand that setting boundaries isn't selfish it's actually necessary for my well-being.

My husband's best friend and his wife have been an amazing source of support throughout all of this.

They come over for dinner once a week, and it's so comforting to be able to share stories and memories of my husband with people who loved him just as much as I did.

But, you know, some somatic processing, some nervous system regulation go a very long way.

And then we have learning healthy boundaries, updating behavioral coping mechanisms.

Okay? So if you can do these six things, you're gonna see that becomes secure attachment.

So as you're going through this journey and seeing what secure attachment looks like, it mirrors back to you those six things, right? You, you get better and better at, at emotionally regulating.

Mm-hmm.

So how do parents balance giving unconditional love with healthy boundaries? Can you love your child deeply while still allowing them to experience the consequences of their choices?

I think so, for sure, because I think maybe a word we should bring up is discipline.

Discipline isn't a bad thing at all.

It's actually, I think it's a loving thing, 'cause if maybe a parent sees a child acting out and wants to bring in those healthy boundaries, and those healthy boundaries are, are disciplining the child, and we think of, oh, I'm gonna discipline my child, like, that can have a negative connotation to it.

But really, it's a healthy thing, the same way we would go work out, we're disciplining our bodies, we're training them.

And in the same way, maybe for a parent raising a kid, you're setting those expectations.

Um, I think it also shows the kid that that parent cares for them also, 'cause they're looking out for them.

I mean, some people see boundaries understandably in the word as kind of putting up walls or sort of protective barriers between you and someone else.

And I do think that, that healthy boundaries sort of do the opposite, that it's almost like putting, like, a safe door in between, you know, within the wall, but a safe door to be able to cross over those thresholds knowing what to expect on the other side, knowing that I'm gonna be safe on the other side.

So if I'm coming towards you and maybe sharing that something you did was hurtful to me, boundaries mean that I know you're not going to turn that back on me in a way that's really aggressive or violent or defensive potentially.

But that saying this boundary is that I wanna be able to talk to you about how I'm feeling without you getting defensive or being really harsh or calling me names, right? It's how...