Yes.

It was a huge hit, and from 18 years old, I wasn't bothered about Saturday nights going out and chasing girls.

I wanted to watch that show that Bruce was hosting.

And when I start working at the BBC, you know, on a Saturday, the whole building comes to life.

You know, there's a buzz around.

I always compare it to Wonka's factory.

There's a buzz around, you know, the chimneys are smoking 'cause there's life in that building now, and the audience is queuing around the corner.

You were a Strictly super-

Perceived on the outside, it was all okay.

I was highly, highly functioning.

My house was impeccable.

My son was not wanting for food or things.

I was on it.

And I quite enjoyed the lies too, or white lies.

I don't know, they're probably big fat lies, but because it's kind of like creating a different world, a life and well that facilitated the drinking.

You know, it seemed like, well, that's my way out.

You know, when did it start to become a real sort of problem to you?

I think teenage years.

And around 14, 15 years old, actually, my older sister moved out of the house.

So I got her room, which is actually on the ground floor of the house.

And I had access, lights out of the house.

I had access to the family computer, to my games, to the internet.

I'd be up till four o'clock in the morning, obsessing over football, obsessing over gaming and watching online pornography.

What are you doing?

Yeah

... and that adult material is filling the void that our lack of communication is creating around what good, healthy sex looks like, and instead fueling a lot of the negative, horrific-Things and issues that we're seeing in society, sexual crime, massive division between genders, volatility online, um, hatred and vitriol, and so much of it fueled by sex and pornography.

And I thought, "I think it's all connected." And I think if I can add a voice to it, or if I can create a change in conversation around it, then everybody who is invested in it, from families to schools to, like, places of power and change, then it might start to move the needle even just a little bit, and the reaction, the response immediately was seismic.

It was mind-blowing, and I never thought I would be here today feeling able to talk about this as, as the nine-year-old that I, that I was.

Um, but from that point, I didn't think that I would be here still talking about it and people wanting to listen.

Mm

... that is already there waiting to reel them in.

And, um, whilst it seems catastrophic, and I think so much of what we've talked about today feels like it's beyond hope.

He was a lovely guy, and he really, um, he really had great things to say about this, so, um, I hope you enjoy it.

What was the moment you realized grief was going to change you forever? I'm gonna try to do this without crying because grief is always there, and I have been living through it for two years.

But when my sister...

As in two years since my dad died in twenty twenty-three.

But when my sister died last year, it completely changed my life and literally forever.

It's crazy because I think the way I look at my sister's suicide is like, you know, just before my sister died, we had kind of reached this friendship the first time we'd been that close since we were at school together as kids growing up in our childhood home.

But we both talked about having this kind of rock bottom.

Yeah, or-

So what happened to make you decide that you're gonna take on your Mount Everest? [laughs]

Well, um, it was, as often is the case, it was in tragedy.

And, um, almost exactly a year ago, uh, our family lost my sister.

My sister died by suicide in April 2025, and they loved running.

My sister loved running.

In lockdown, they were running all over the place.

And, um, there was a point in the immediate aftermath of losing my sister, and obviously the grief hits you and it's so individual.

We shall see.