New relationship energy

so you may be living a one penis policy without it ever being like prescriptively described like this is a limit that i agree to or i'm happy to go along with there's just fawning and threat of relationship being injured and so we just kind of go along with it and never challenge it or at least for a while until things just kind of fall apart Yeah, especially

with like NRE, like new relationship energy, which we had so crazy.

And so I was like anxiously attached.

We had major NRE.

We were so codependent and like we were primary partners.

So we were like, OK, all of the terrible, worst things that you could possibly stack on top of each other and like this giant, horrible pile of shit.

And similarly, I think that is true.

And in fact, if you think back to the feeling of being in love early in a new relationship energy, such a bland term, but that's what it's called, NRE, right?

Mm-hmm.

New relationship energy.

Like your friendships, your family relationships and your romantic relationships, like, like there's usually like no veto power, which means other partners can't vote for what you do with other partners.

Um, there's another term that is important for people to know for those who kind of dabble in or interested in dabbling in polyamory is called NRE, which is new relationship energy.

And that means that, um, that you're in a new relationship and you are super excited about this new partner.

You're getting to know each other.

Happens again.

Right? And there is this emotional piece with NRE.

Yeah.

I actually found some...

Okay.

And it's kind of...

It's because of the fact that, like, when you're in NRE and in lim- limerence, like, your system is just, like, more dysregulated in general, right? And it's like your survival system is online, and that means there's this sense of urgency.

And like you're just...

It was a lot to navigate.

there was definitely some friction there at first because he was definitely a person that is like low key addicted to what is called NRE.

And we mentioned that in the last episode about polyamory, which is new relationship energy.

And it's like that, like, it's like a drug almost like it feels like it's like that high you get from meeting a new person from new connection, new attraction, like new energy.

And so from a new relationship, it's just all those like amazing feelings of euphoria that you get from like that brand, that newness, that newness, that novelty of a new connection.

And so you guys can see Milo is being so annoying right now.

But yeah, so he loved NRE.

I mean, he would be the first person to tell you that he was like addicted to it and that he would chase that high no matter what.

Yeah, I think that's a great point.

The awareness of it, right? Am I doing that? And essentially, do I take my nesting partner for granted, which I hope isn't the case? And am I only caught up with that NRE or that partner who is not always available? And can that awareness help guide me? But also, if I felt that my partner was giving the other people those choice times, am I able to ask for it? Am I able to set up these things to help me feel as though I'm also receiving the dedication and the attention that I might want.

Yeah, it's super important.

And you mentioned it earlier, something that long distance can bring is anticipation.

There's something about looking forward to seeing someone.

I know that when I hop on the train and I'm heading towards you, I am anticipating, getting excited, and that sort of thing.

So you get those kind of like NRE buzz that you don't necessarily get when you're like in closer proximity or living together, you know what I mean? Because they're like, oh, I'm going to see them.

I can't wait, you know.

Oh, no, go ahead.

All because of new relationship energy.

Just in case anybody didn't know what NRE is, I just wanted to clarify.

NRE is new relationship energy.

It's when your dopamine levels go absolutely insane and you don't, it's almost like you don't have control over what you do, but you do.

You just don't want to control what you're doing.

And so a lot of that was alone time at night, playing dress up, writing my journal, collaging, doing things, dancing, like all of that.

And also I'm like, it's really easy, especially when I'm experiencing like new relationship energy or NRE to like orient my time and my energy, like towards the person that I'm experiencing that with.

I'm like, I want to spend all my time with you.

I want to do everything with you together.

Yeah.

Um, that's really beautiful.

And I love like, I feel like you're so self aware about that, where you're like, I know, like, when I'm feeling the NRE or when I, when I'm getting toward like the kind of like, like you said, orbiting them, like, cause yeah.

Anyone who has been polyamorous, even for a short time knows that it's like NRE strikes again.

Some common mistakes that are made in Season 1 is mistaking excitement for compatibility.

If you want to know more about that, as Dara mentioned, we have an episode on New Relationship Energy.

It is Episode 271.

It is an entire episode about not mistaking the excitement and that NRE for actually being compatible with your partner.