mental load

So, like, when she comes home, the house is perfectly clean.

I, I love to cook, so I don't want that, that to sound like a sacrifice, but I handle the mental load of everything in our home.

And- Because she did it for so long, she's incredibly appreciative.

I mean, if you were to ask her, like she's through the moon because she can completely focus on her career.

If you wait until you begin working without coming up with those systems, you're not...

You're just gonna be stressed and unhappy, because you have to show your employer you're really good, and we always know in the beginning that you're working longer hours.

Well, who's doing the work that you were doing at home? So the first step is to make sure you sit down with your partner and be like, "Look," like, "here is what needs to be done." And that's where I help couples in understanding those things, because one of the challenges that couples often face that I work with is that she might go back to work and there might be like a quote list, but a list is not, a list is not the mental load, right? A list is just tasks that you might cross off and feel good doing it, but the person who's doing the gymnastics in their head to come up with the list every day and to think about these things, like that's a time suck away, an intellectual time suck away from their job.

So the systems have to include owning all of the responsibility, making sure that I'm just throwing it out there.

Details can be found at modernhusbands.com. Today's episode is the first of two with our guest, Professor Leah Ruppainer.

We explore the complex concept of mental load, its impact on women and families, and practical strategies to achieve greater equity and understanding in household responsibilities.

Discover how to measure, manage, and support mental load to foster healthier relationships and personal well-being.

Enjoy the show.

Dr. Rupaner, this will be the second time I've heard your lovely voice.

So

let's get into it then.

Let's just start with how are you defining the mental load?

This conversation is one of my favorites.

We talk about the ways women become small inside marriages, the mental load that never gets credited, the legal system that fails us at every turn, and what it really looks like to rebuild your identity from scratch, starting, as Una suggests, with new bedding and a slow walk through the grocery store.

If you've ever been through a divorce, if you're in the middle of one, or if you've been told you were too much, too sensitive, too demanding within any relationship, this episode is for you.

And honestly, even if none of those things are true, the part about the grocery store might change your life.

And of course, not every woman, but many, many women have said that to me.

It's kind of remarkable how many have said that to me.

And then I think also this idea about the default, who's the default parent and who's the default person who's doing the mental load in the household, who's doing the emotional labor in the household.

And who's doing the bulk of the parenting and the way that