Oh.

The funeral was hard, 'cause that was weird in itself.

It was, it was a beautiful moment where we all wore white and we had doves released and stuff, but it, it was so sad.

[laughs] And I was thinking to myself, "Why do I have to bury another Consy? Why did I even call her Consy," you know? And I kind of, I felt sorry for myself for a few weeks, as you do, uh, but then I thought, "Okay, what do you learn from your mum going? You need to take this strength, take whatever you can from it, and use it as a positive." And I was kind of just sat there, and I was like, "Right, you need to g- get up, wake up, and let's, let's do something." Don't try and hide your emotions.

Don't, don't try and just run away and numb your pain with other things and distract your attention.

Ride out the pain, 'cause then it, then you'll heal yourself.

When you learn to, like, actually feel your emotion, you'll start to heal.

Well, she had, had a, a not dissimilar experience.

Mm

...

I rejigged my whole friendship cir- friendship circle, and, um, I got rid of the toxic ones, the party ones.

I, I had to dig more into what does Marlon want from her life? Okay, you've got a daughter.

You didn't, y- you weren't meant to be co-parenting.

I- it's ended up like this.

Now let's stop being in the victim mentality, and let's decide on what I do want.

How did those incredibly difficult times leave you feeling, and how have you managed to get to the point where you're able to talk on this podcast with such confidence and strength and grace?

I don't know how you deal with that.

that.That I have to see everything from a different pers- perspective.

I always believe that my perception is, is always shaping my reality, and when I, when I saw her for the first time, I thought, "Oh, this can't be." My body knew she wasn't gonna survive.

She survived for four weeks, but my body knew she wasn't gonna be here for long.

And when she opened up her eyes for the last time, she opened up her eyes randomly, I looked at her, and I had this deep sense of knowing.

She looked at me, she was like, "I can't stay here 'cause you'll end up with him for the rest of your life.

You, you will have him in, in your life forever if I, if I remain." That's literally how my brain perceived it.

Mm.