Kolkata

OF A BUYARD FROM BENGAL.

a bayard from bengal being some account of the magnificent and spanking career of chunder bindabun boche esq b a cambridge by hurrybungsho jabberjee b a calcutta university author of jottings and titillings etc etc to which is appended the parables and proverbs of pill josh freely translated from the original styptic by another hand with introduction notes and appendix by the above hurry bungsho jabberjee b a the whole edited and revised by f anstey preliminary i have the honour humbly to inform my readers that after prolonged consumption of midnight oil i succeeded in completing this imposing society novel which is now by the indulgence of my friends and kind fathers the honourable publishers laid at their feet My inducement to this enterprise was the spectacle of very inferior rubbish palmed off by so-called popular novelists such as Honorables Kipling, Joshua Berry, Anthony Wayman, Stanley Hope, and the collaborative but feminine authoresses of The Red Thumb in the Pottage, all of whom profess, very, very incorrectly, to give accurate, reliable descriptions of Indian, English, or Scotch episodes." the pity of it that a magnificent and gullible british public should be suckled like a babe on such spoon-meat and small beer would no one arise inflamed by the pure enthusiasm of his cacothes scrivendi and write a romance which shall secure the plerophery of british american anglo-indian colonial and continental readers by dint of its imaginary power and slavish fidelity to nature and since echo answered that no one replied to this invitation i like a fool as some will say rushed in where angels were apprehensive of being too bulky to be borne being naturally acquainted with gentlemen of my own nationality and education and also of course knowing london and suburban society ab ovo uske ad mala or from the new-laid egg to the stage when it is beginning to go bad i decided to take as my theme the adventures of a typically splendid representative of young india on british soil and i am in earnest hopes to avoid the shocking solecisms and exaggerations indulged in by ordinary english novelists i have been compelled to take to penmanship of this sort owing to pressure of res angusta the immoderate increase of hostages of fortune and proportionate falling off of emoluments from my profession as barrister at law therefore i hope that all concerned will smile favourably upon my new departure and will please kindly understand that if my english literary style has suffered any deterioration it is solely due to my being out of practice and such spots on the sun must be excused as mere flies in ointment after forming my resolution of writing a large novel i confided it to my crony mr ram ashushtosh lal who warmly recommended me to persevere in such a magnum opus so i became divinely inflated periodically every evening from eight to twelve p m disregarding all entreaties from feminine relatives to stop and indulge in a blow-out on ordinary eatables like archimedes when troy was captured who was so engrossed in writing prepositions on the sand that he was totally unaware that he was being barbarously slaughtered and at length my colossal effusion was completed and i had written myself out after which i had the indescribable joy and felicity to read my composition to my mother's in-law and wives and their respective progenies and offspring whereupon although they were not acquainted with a word of english they were overcome by such severe admiration for my fecundity and native eloquence that they swooned with rapture i am not a superstitious but i took the trouble to consult a soothsayer as to the probable fortunes of my undertaking and he at once confidently predicted that my novel was to render all readers dumb as fishes with sheer amazement and prove a very fine feather in my cap for all the above reasons i am modestly confident that it will be generally recognized as a masterpiece especially when it is remembered that it is the work of a native indian whose prentice hand is still a novice in wielding the curente calamo of fiction i cannot conclude without some allusion to the drawings which are i believe to adorn my work but which i have not yet been enabled to inspect owing to the fact that having fish of more importance to fry at the time i commissioned a certain young english friend the same who furnished sundry poetic headings for chapters to engage a designer for the pictorial department needless to say i intended that he was to award the apple only to some royal academician of distinguished talents yet at the eleventh hour when too late to make other arrangements i am informed that the job has been entrusted to a certain bernardher patrigi whose name though probably incorrectly transcribed certainly denotes a draughtsman of native indian origin whether he is fully competent for such a task i cannot at present say but unless he is qualified like myself by actual residence in great britain i fear that he may not possess sufficient familiarity with the customs and solecisms of english society to avoid at least a few ludicrous and even lamentable mistakes to guard against such contingencies i shall insert a note or comment opposite each picture as it is submitted to me pointing out in what respects if any the artist has failed to represent the author's intentions i sincerely hope that i may now and then be able to pat the aforesaid mr p on the back instead of acting as a rhadamanthus to rap his knuckles chapter i from calcutta to cambridge oversea route at sea the stoutest stomach jerks far far away from native soil when ocean's heaving waterworks burst out in brobdingnagian boil stanza written at sea by h b j unpublished the waves of neptune erected their seething and angry crests to incredible altitudes overhead in fulgenous storm-clouds the thunder rumbled its terrific bellows and from time to time the ghastly flare of lightning illuminated the entire neighbourhood the tempest howled like a lost dog through the cordage of the good ship rohikund captain o williams which lurched through the vasty deep as though overtaken by the drop too much at one moment her poop was pointed towards celestial regions at another it aimed itself at the recesses of davy jones's locker and such was the fury of the gale that only a paucity of the ship's passengers remained perpendicular and mr chunder bindabun bosh was recumbent on his beam end prostrated by severe sickishness and hourly expecting to become initiated in the great secret bitterly did he lament his hard lines in venturing upon the blackwater to be snipped off in the flower of his adolescence and never again to behold the beloved visages of his relations so heartrending were his tears and groans that they moved all on board and hon mr commissioner copsey who was returning on leave kindly came to inquire the cause of such vociferous lachrymation

what is the matter baboo began

the commissioner in paternal tones why are you kicking up the shindy of such a deuce's own hullabaloo because hon'ble sir responded mr bhosh i am in lively expectation that waters will rush in and extinguish my vital spark pooh said mr commissioner genially this is only the moiety of a gale and there is not the slightest danger having received this assurance mr bhosh's natural courage revived and coming up on deck he braved the tempest with the cool composure of a cucumber admonishing all his fellow-passengers that they were not to give way to panic seeing that death was the common lot of all and though every one must die once it was an experience that could not be repeated with much philosophy of a similar kind which astonished many who had falsely supposed him to be a pusillanimous the remainder of the voyage was uneventful and soon after setting his feet on british territory mr bhosh became an alumnus and undergraduate of the alma mater of cambridge i shall not attempt to relate at any great length the history of his collegiate career because being myself a graduate of calcutta university i am not of course proficient in the customs and etiquettes of any rival seminaries and should probably make one or two trivial slips which would instantly be pounced upon and held up for derision by carping critics so i shall content myself with mentioning a few leading facts and incidents mr bhosh very soon wormed himself into the good graces of his fellow college boys and his principal friend amphidus achates was a young high-spirited aristocrat entitled lord jack jolly the only son of an earl who had lately been promoted to the dignity of a baronetcy lord jolly and mr bhosh were soon as inseparable as a demon and pythoness and though no nabob to wallow in filthy lucre mr bhosh gave frequent entertainments to his friends who were hugely delighted by the elegance of his hospitality and the garrulity of his conversation unfortunately the fame of these barmecide feasts soon penetrated the ears of the college gurus and mr bhosh's mulevi sent for him and severely reprimanded him for neglecting to study his little go degree and squandering his immense abilities and talents on mere guzzling Whereupon Mr. Bosch shed tears of contrition, embracing the feet of his senile tutor, and promising that, if only he was restored to favor, he would become more diligent in future.

And honorably did he fulfill his nadum pactum, for he became a most exemplary bookworm, burning his midnight candle at both ends in the endeavor to cram his mind with belles lettres.

But he was assailed by a temptation which I cannot forbear to chronicle.

Later on I found that he had been sailing under the English flag for a little more than thirty years.

However, we went below to the cabin, where we finally agreed that, should my wife fancy the accommodations, he would take us to Calcutta, whither the Mandalore was bound with a cargo of case oil.

On the following day my wife and I scanned very closely every part of the ship, and after some little time a bargain was struck, the passage money paid, and at last we seemed upon the eve of departure on the long-deferred deep-water voyage.

A short description of the Mandalore would, I believe, interest those who are going to follow us over thirteen thousand miles of blue water, and so for their benefit I will explain that she was an iron ship of sixteen hundred and ninety-nine net tons, two hundred and sixty-five feet from stem to taffrail, thirty-nine feet beam, and when loaded to the plimsell mark drew twenty-three feet of water.

"I have seen hundreds of monkeys brought into New York," he remarked, "but, by crimus, that's the first one that ever left it on a sailing-ship." July 1st.

Another tug came down to the ship this morning and passed us her hawser.

Once more we hove up the anchor, not to touch bottom again, we hope, till we let go at Calcutta, in four months or so.

Towing out was very slow work, and it was two or three hours before we were abreast of Sandy Hook Lightship, where the tug was to leave us.

In 1876 Disraeli, morning star of the dawning imperialist age, persuaded Parliament to confer on Queen Victoria the title Empress of India as an advertisement of the fact that The Queen of England has become the sovereign of the most powerful of oriental states.

The sequel came in 1911 when King George and Queen Mary visited India to be crowned with oriental pomp as Emperor and Empress at Delhi, the ancient imperial capital, whither the headquarters of the British administration were moved from Calcutta.

The dazzling magnificence of the coronation durbar, reception of the ruling princes of India, was intended to impress India with the fact that England assumed the sovereignty of the former Mughal emperors whose throne had been at Delhi.

That Great Britain, traditional home of parliamentary government and political liberty, should revive in India the outward show of a defunct oriental despotism probably seemed incongruous to the few who witnessed that historic scene at Delhi in 1911.

They realize that the maintenance of the principle of autocracy is wrapped up with the continuance of British domination.

For them the war was not to make the world safe for democracy.

A Mohammedan newspaper, Hitashi of Calcutta, contributed another surprising reason why India should support England in the war.

The British Empire is known as a Muslim empire, for under no other sovereign on earth is there such a large Muslim population.

Very well, I agreed.

Where do you want to go? Calcutta, she responded promptly.

But what form of amusement do you think we can find in Calcutta? First we'll visit the Jain temple.

I thought temples were taboo on this trip.

Not Jain temple.

Oh, hey, Don.

Any shows in Kolkata, India?

Oh, hey, Jansky.

Uh, anyone in the Kolkata area next Thursday between 2:00 PM and 4:15 PM-

[laughs]

...

Naturally, questions were asked who the sage was, and the pundits replied that Vatsya was the author of the standard work on love in Sanskrit literature, that no Sanskrit library was complete without his work, and that it was most difficult now to obtain in its entire state.

The copy of the manuscript obtained in Bombay was defective, and so the pundits wrote to Benares, Calcutta, and Jaipur for copies of the manuscript from Sanskrit libraries in those places.

Copies having been obtained, they were then compared with each other, and with the aid of a commentary called Jayamangla, a revised copy of the entire manuscript was prepared, and from this copy the English translation was made.

The following is the certificate of the chief pundit.

Over a group of villages is the pargana, or tribal chief.

the santals are divided into exogamous sects originally twelve in number and their social observances are complex e g while some relations treat each other with the greatest reserve between others the utmost freedom of intercourse is allowed their religion is animistic spirits bangas are everywhere around them the spirits of their ancestors the spirit of the house the spirit dwelling in the patch of primeval forest preserved in each village every hill tree and rock may have its spirit these spirits are propitiated by elaborate ceremonies and sacrifices which generally terminate in dances and the drinking of rice The Santal Parganas is a district 4,800 square miles in area lying about 150 miles north of Calcutta, and was formed into a separate administration after the Santals had risen in rebellion in 1856.

The Santals at present form about one-third of the population.

the stories and legends which are here translated have been collected by the rev o baden d d of the scandinavian mission to the santals to be perfectly sure that neither language nor ideas should in any way be influenced by contact with the european mind he arranged for most of them to be written out in santali principally by a christian convert named sagram mermu at present living at mahul pahari in the santal parganas santali is an agglutinative language with great regularity and complexity but when the santals come in contact with races speaking an aryan language it is apt to become corrupted with foreign idioms the language in which these stories have been written is beautifully pure and the purity of language may be accepted as an index that the ideas have not been affected as is often the case by contact with europeans my translation though somewhat condensed is very literal and the stories have perhaps thereby an added interest as showing the way in which a very primitive people look at things the santals are great story-tellers the old folk of the village gather the young people round them in the evening and tell them stories and the men when watching the crops on the threshing-floor will often sit up all night telling stories There is, however, no doubt that at the present time the knowledge of these stories tends to die out.

The common sense of the masses never deserts them until demagogues stir them up to gain ends of their own.

That common sense is based on the verities of social order, and the social order is the same everywhere, in Moscow as in London, in Geneva as in Calcutta.

Given a certain number of families of unequal fortune in any given space, you will see an aristocracy forming under your eyes.

There will be the patricians, the upper classes, and yet other ranks below them.