How how you went to went from military to police, mental health to what you're doing now

has gotten better for sure.

But when I got out of the Marine Corps in 2004, the preparation for for transitioning out was just insufficient.

And there's really I mean, they do like a two week program where it's like, yeah, here's how to write a resume.

But there's nothing on the psychological side that was really going to prepare you for like I did.

first of all i i tell people i will never be the combat marine that claims to be a hero the first time when i was when we invaded iraq in 03 i was with that first push and the first time i shot and killed an iraqi soldier It killed me.

There was nothing fun about it.

It can't be super fake.

[laughs]

... "Who the hell are you?" Yeah, I, I have a very complex story, and I'm happy to go as deep and wide as you would like.

But it, it is an interesting question of, like, who am I? Because I think as people, we tend to go right to titles, accolades, achievements, things we've done.

A-and if I don't mention any of those, then it's like, who am I? I will tell you all I want on my tombstone when I die is the years of my life and the word love because it's truly all I wanna be known and remembered for is like, "Man, that guy loved hard, everybody." And so that's who I would say I am is I'm a living, walking permission slip for people to take off their masks and learn to not only love other people but to truly love themselves.

Grew up in New York, Upstate New York area.

After some terrible trauma that happened down in Virginia, endured some sexual abuse at the age of seven, followed by years of physical abuse from my father for the next eight years or so, and then essentially started stopping different friends to stay at their house when I was 15 years, 16 years old just to avoid being home 'cause it was not a good place for me.

And interestingly enough, my, my nickname all through high school was Smiley.

Where does, like, that passion of wanting to share these, like, l- lessons and your story, like, where does that come from for you? Like...