We're lovely.

Yeah, we're lovely.

[laughs] So, so we do say yes, and then there's even higher costs, um, that I, I've seen m- m- many clients who ha- their adult children have gone out, they've, you know, partnered up and they've had some kids, and then the relationship's broken down, and so they've moved back home with the kids.

Now, that one is, that can be really tough because...

And remember, we're talking about when we're still working ourselves, when we've often got an older parent that we're looking after.

So then suddenly you've got older parent, you've got your adult children, then you've got grandchildren, and you're still th- holding all of that together.

Yes.

I, I really do.

So this is not about end of life, is it? It's about living life.

Well, and living well.

I mean, I think the fact of the matter is why we're suggesting 70 is because in our 70s and 80s, things do change.

You know, we, we do get frailer.

The, you know, our bodies change, our minds change, and so that is a, this is when it really matters.

So it is a good time to do it then because you're talking about, okay, in your 70s and 80s and 90s and beyond, but how can you live well? That's the whole conversation.

That's why it's a very positive framework, because you're trying to help your parent-

Tell me.

And then as your parent is needing more help and you're spending more time together, this must bring up a lot for a lot of children.

It, for, for the adult children who have had a really tricky relationship m-with their mum during their lives, it can be hard.

And what's the hardest thing? It's the, the coping strategies they have always used may not work now, right? So they may have kept their distance a bit and just checked in every now and then, or they may have just steered clear of certain topics.

[laughs] "Let's just not mention the war.

Just, just keep it, keep it very neutral." Or they may have been very assertive and standing up for themselves, and then s- then suddenly or over time, their, their mother gets more in need and, and more frail, and suddenly, you know, being assertive with her doesn't work.

She may have lost her filter, and you cannot just use those so, same strategies, or y- you know, keeping your distance.

Oh.

Showed up, and she, it's not that she showed up saying, "Right, now you must take care of me," but she showed up wanting a relationship.