Yeah.

And I just, honestly, I think I was, I was numb to it for a while 'cause I just didn't even wanna bring it up.

I just kinda buried it for a, for a little bit.

And then it's like, too, with the note, it's like all this happened, and then you have this, this note here that, that says, "Make my death an issue so I can get help for other people like me." That's like, to me, my mom really, really took that and ran with it at first, but to me, like, I'm like, "This is an additional burden that I don't think I wanna deal with at this time," you know? This happened.

I haven't freaking processed it yet and everything, and now you want me to, to, to carry this? You know, it's like, it, it's a heavy thing to carry.

And where I am in my life right now, believe it or not, I am grateful for it because I see the effects, and I, and I'm ready.

And I, I, I feel, I genuinely feel the spiritual calling to, to carry it, but at the time, I, I wasn't ready.

... because of your running.