Hecato of Rhodes

Sincere attention is such a rare gift these days that whoever offers it becomes unforgettable.

Seneca summed it up in a line he borrowed from the stoic Hecato, "If you wish to be loved, love." He doesn't say, "If you wish to be loved, please shine, impress." He says, "Love." Take an interest.

Give your attention.

The rest follows of its own accord.

There's a line in another of Seneca's letters that ought to be written on the door of everyone who begs for love.

He tells how someone asked the philosopher Hecato what progress he had made in philosophy.

And Hecato replied, I have begun to be a friend to myself.

And Seneca comments, That man has made great progress because he will never be alone.

And you should know that such a man is a friend to all.

Not to make anyone jealous, nor to prove anything.

To remind yourself that you have a life that's yours as well.

So let me ask you, if that person vanished from your life tomorrow, what would be left of you? And why aren't you looking after that today? The second law to stop begging for love is Hecate's line, if you wish to be loved, love.

It's uncomfortable, but it can be done.

For moments like these, Marcus had another idea, which he'd learnt from Epicurus, a philosopher from a different school whom he nonetheless quoted with respect.

"In the face of any pain," he wrote, "remember this: What is unbearable soon comes to an end, and what lasts a long time can be borne." And elsewhere he added, "Nothing happens to anyone that they are not fitted by nature to bear." He didn't say this to deny suffering, but to remind himself that he had always been capable of more than his fear told him.

He also used an exercise in perspective that helps enormously when the mind blows small things out of all proportion.

You'll see people marrying, raising children, falling ill, dying, waging war, holding feasts, trading, flattering, mistrusting, plotting, wishing someone dead, grumbling about their lot, falling in love, piling up money, longing for high office, and of all that life, nothing is left." All those worries, which to them were the center of the world, have vanished.

Seneca, for his part, had a very subtle explanation of why the mind runs off into the future.

He quoted an earlier stoic philosopher, Hecato, who said, "You will cease to fear if you cease to hope." And Seneca explained it.

Fear and hope, though they seem like opposites, go together, like the prisoner and the guard bound by the same chain.

But I wish to share with you today's profit also.

I find in the writings of our Hecato that the limiting of desires helps also to cure fears.

Cease to hope, he says, and you will cease to fear.

But how, you will reply, can things so different go side by side? In this way, my dear Lucilius, though they do seem at variance, yet they are really united.

For we can assist each other greatly.

Meanwhile, I owe you my little daily contribution.

You shall be told what pleased me today in the writings of Hecato.

It is these words, quote, What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself, end quote.

But I wish to share with you today's profit also.

I find in the writings of our Hecato that the limiting of desires helps also to cure fears.

Cease to hope, he says, and you will cease to fear.

But how, you will reply, can things so different go side by side? In this way, my dear Lucilius, though they do seem at variance, yet they are really united.

For we can assist each other greatly.

Meanwhile, I owe you my little daily contribution.

You shall be told what pleased me today in the writings of Hecato.

It is these words, quote, What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself, end quote.