Fiona Bruce

No.

Is it Fiona Bruce? No.

What is it? A stoat.

It's a stoat.

But now that feels very appealing to me.

You could take over from Fiona Bruce.

I dream of it one day.

That's kind of ideal for you, isn't it? Oh, I'd like something like that.

The handpicked audience is going to freak out.

Fiona Bruce is going to look like a slapped ass.

And there's going to be like a third of the country sat at home going, wait, did you hear that?

Yeah.

And whether Harold Wilson was a Fabian or whatever, he knew full well what was going on, I'm sure.

as would Ted Heath as would many others but of course we didn't have the investigative media in those days not quite well this now comes to light and it's disgusting I mean I've got a man here, Brennick Parker he's the same age as me he was 14 when he narrowly avoided the coal tip collapse but two of his friends died he just heard a rumble he said and he turned round and the doorway behind me was full of stone.

There was a tree in a classroom, the sewing room.

Horrendous, isn't it?

And everything over here, they seem to think you have to have tuna with everything.

And, you know, I will explain if you don't mind me puking, then just can't continue on, you know.

because it will my stomach heaves and then I've got a couple of friends who tell me that they have the same with cucumber which I think is quite strange but then again that's their particular reaction I don't eat pork either now it's nothing to do with religion nothing to do with it's just basically I think my stomach turns the minute I see pork you know

there we go So all a bit different.

I'm going to give them three things, and they have to put them in ascending order of value from cheapest to most expensive.

A bit like Fiona Bruce's Good, Better, Best on Antiques Roadshow.

Which is worth the least, which is in the middle, and which is the most expensive.

So the three things are a hot hookup with a dating app, an entire chain of budget super stores, and five minutes parking at an airport.

This was your one, Katia Adler, who's just sugar.

She's like your other one, Fiona Bruce.

It's just sugar.

You don't get the news.

It's an OCD's nightmare, though, isn't it?

can i just whip around with these antibacterial wipes before we go any further um john my dream involves fiona bruce lauren laverne and myself in a vat of jelly beans given that you work at the bbc can you fix it for me to have this come true i can draw you a picture if it helps visualize i'm picturing it well i don't know matt in gloucester i don't know what you look like but to be honest not a real relevance um but no i can't

have to be liquid

Ooh.

But I was watching Question Time the other night.

And, you know, every time you see Fiona Bruce and Question Time, and I do watch it to try and keep my own views, at least knowing how far I'm straying from what normal people seem to think.

But the more that you watch that programme, you're more aware.

that you do see that it is absolutely biased and it slipped up on one of its people that it had let in who had a go at something that the left winger, the son of Neil Kinnock, was saying.

And, you know, he was basically put in his place by this lady who definitely didn't have very left-wing views.

And immediately, Fiona Bruce picks up the cudgel and starts switching it to an attack on reform.

And then the next night or a couple of nights later, I was watching this undercover series that they're really being pushing, showing people who have been caught off camera really saying things they shouldn't be saying.

But these were at reform gatherings.

Me, me...

Sorry, me and Fiona Bruce-

Yes

... on stage together.