emotional self-regulation

Yeah.

Well, I think that even like aside from trauma, I think when we think about like emotional regulation, a lot of kids like that's part of it.

Right.

Kids don't know how to emotionally regulate.

And I think that having that recognition of children's experiences are different, right? Children's experiences as well as...

like how they interpret events, how they process things, how they deal with things is going to be so much different than an adult.

And also like that whole element of like, they're working through their emotional regulation, right? Yeah.

And actually, I mean, it's so complex because again, it depends on their ages, what they're capable of really understanding and Yeah.

You can't be like, well, they said this, so I broke their nose.

their fault they shouldn't have said that shit doesn't work that way i'm a dick because you deserve it that's what that sounds like to me yeah it's not that's not how that works you need to master self you need to master your emotional regulation when somebody says or does something that you dislike you have a decision to make if you are unable to make a decision and you are living purely from a reactive state you got a whole lot of fucking work to do

yeah i agree Taking accountability for an unhealthy reaction, right? I have gotten better.

I still sometimes do it, but I've gotten really good about catching myself.

different perspective because I love what you're bringing up and I'm obsessed with friendship as well.

So in the emotional regulation chapter where I talk about a lot of leaders tell me like, I don't struggle with emotional regulation.

I don't yell.

I'm like, emotional regulation is not about volume.

It's about your steady presence.

How steady are you when the unpredictable arrives? I can also be calm when nothing's going on.

I just want to make sure I understand the question.

You said, what makes emotion regulation more challenging for neurodivergent individuals? Do I have that? Yeah.

So again, it's, I'm just going to focus on autism for the time being.

Because we sometimes process information differently.

You know, in childhood, what are we feeling? You know, it's hard to understand what we're actually feeling and to put a name to it.

So it's hard to understand when we're dysregulated or we need to do something about it.

And also, if we don't have that, like that training or that parent model or model, you growing up, it's hard to understand what we're feeling and when we need to use those emotion regulation skills, right? Not to mention that we, or being neurodivergent, it's just, it's brain chemistry that external stimuli can be louder and more, there's more sensitivity than the average person.

So I might experience like, let's say like loud noise and that being really, really bothersome for me, I'm able to kind of shift my attention.

And there's fascinating research on the parent side of this too.

A meta-analysis looking across 53 studies found that parents who had stronger emotion regulation skills tended to have children with stronger emotional regulation skills.

Which makes sense.

We can't teach the kids we love something we're not practicing ourselves first, you all.

For many of us with ADHD, this isn't an occasional occurrence, it's daily life.

Although emotional regulation isn't currently listed in the diagnostic criteria, we know it's one of ADHD's most disruptive features.

Emotional impulsiveness and difficulty controlling our reactions aren't character flaws.

They're part of how ADHD affects the brain, and therefore regulating emotional states is key to ADHD care.

Each person experiences these emotions differently, dependent on memories, context, and associations from our previous experiences.

Our reactions commonly happen automatically and rapidly We may not even realize they're occurring at all.

I see emotional regulation in two main categories, preventative care and in the moment tools.

Preventative care are practices we create routines around, sustain over time, of course with inconsistency because we have ADHD, but keep coming back to and take the most intention and planning.

That's how people change their lives.

Focus also requires emotional control.

When you let your emotions decide how you spend your day, you lose consistency.

Some days you'll feel motivated, others you won't.

That's how you build a powerful life, one focused moment at a time.

Number two.

Learn emotional control and stop giving power to small things.

Emotional control is one of the most powerful skills you can ever learn.