El Cid

Jake Tapper's a moron.

El Cid will be along to tell you that if you want the American Dream, folks, you better head north.

That's right.

No American Dream from the liberal Muslim.

I'm not sure.

I'd have to check that.

But I know that if you want to realize the American dream, according to El Cid, you should just go to Canada.

Contrary

But they never say, like they forced Donald Trump to say, are you going to denounce white supremacists? Are you going to denounce the Klan members after you've done it millions of times? Well, when are you going to denounce Hassan Piker and what he stands for? Never is the answer.

They're going to keep saying, like El Cid says, oh, he's just a California streamer.

This election is not about a California streamer, except it is.

Because he campaigned with you.

Did you invite people to your poolside party that you didn't agree with? Were any Republicans there, for instance? Did you invite the president? No, you invited Hassan Piker.

That's who.

That should immediately disqualify El Cid.

We'll see if Michigan people are smart enough, but they got a lot of Muslims living in that state.

We were all assholes at the time.

We have the Cid Campeador, who was a mercenary who one day would work for somebody and then the following day would work for somebody else, and now he's being glorified because it's convenient.

That's kind of what we had.

So yeah, if you're expecting to play...

And I guarantee you will be happy, happy, happy that you made that call.

Well, we've got El Cid out there speaking Hebrew.

That's right.

These liberals are such abject frauds.

that they think they're fooling someone.

You've got Heels Up Harris talking like a Southerner or at other times like a black ghetto hood rat.

You've got El Cid speaking Hebrew.

You've got Cortez acting like she's from the South, the South Bronx maybe.

to reinforce and fan out throughout the peninsula, and by 714 AD, they reach the Mediterranean coast, and Valentia surrenders peacefully, giving control to the Moors.

Valentia remains under Muslim rule until 1238, with a brief eight-year interlude when El Cid captures the city after a brutal siege that was recaptured by the Moors.

In 1238, King James I of Aragon conquers the city.

And...

Roderick rallied his army again and again, but the desertion of partisans of Witiza turned the fortunes of the field, and it became the scene of a disastrous rout.

The host of Don Rodrigo was scattered in dismay.

When lost was the eighth battle, nor heart nor hope had they.

He, when he saw the field was lost, and all his hope was flown.

He turned him from his flying host, took his way alone.

All stained and strewed with dust and blood, like to some smoldering brand plucked from the flame.

Rodrigo showed his sword was in his hand, but it was hacked into a sword of dark and purple tin.

His jeweled mail had many a flaw, his helmet many a dint.

But he said it's a Western, so he must know what he's talking about.

El Cid.

El Cid,

sure.

I was busting his chops yesterday.

How is that supposed to know? He said, I'm watching El Cid again for a million times.

I said, oh, yeah, that's the Spanish Western.

Professor Mike tries to lecture me that, no, it's about the guy who fought the Muslims in Spain.

Roderick rallied his army again and again, but the desertion of partisans of Wittiza turned the fortunes of the field, and it became the scene of a disastrous rout.

The host of Don Rodrigo was scattered in dismay; when lost was the eighth battle nor heart nor hope had they He, when he saw the field was lost, and all his hope was flown, He turn’d him from his flying host, took his way alone All stain’d and strew’d with dust and blood, Like to some smouldering brand pluck’d from the flame, Rodrigo show’d His sword was in his hand, but it Was hack’d into a sowe dark and purple thin His jewel’d mail Had many a flaw, his helmet many a dint He climb’d unto A hill top, the highest he could see thence All about That wide rout his last long look took he He Saw his royal banners where they Lay drench’d and torn He Heard the cry of victory, th’ Arabs shout Of scorn He Look’d for the brave captains that Led the hosts of Spain But All were fled except the dead—and Who Could count the slain? Wherever his eye could wander, all Bloody was the plain And While thus he sat, the tears he shed Ran Down his cheeks like rain “Last night I was the king of Spain,— Today No king am I Last Night fair Castle held my train To-night Where shall I lie Last night a hundred pages did serve me on the knee.

Tonight not one called my own, not one pertains to me Oh luckless! Luckless was the hour and cursed was the day When I was born to have the power of this great signory Unhappy me that I should see the sun go down tonight O Death why now so slow although? Why fearless though to smite So runs the old Spanish ballad but the fate of Roderick had remained a mystery to this day His horse and sandals were found on the river bank the day after the battle But his body was not with them Doubtless he was drowned and washed out to the great ocean But the Spaniard would not believe this They clothed the dead king with holy mystery Which assuredly did not enfold him when alive They made the last of the Goths into legendary savior like King Arthur And believed that he would come again from his resting place in some ocean isle Healed of his wounds To lead the Christians once more against the infidels In the Spanish legend Roderick spent the rest of his life in pious acts of penance And was slowly devoured by snakes in punishment for the sins he had committed Until at last his crime was washed out The body's pang had spared the spirit's pain And Don Rodrigo was suffered to depart to the peaceful isle whence his countrymen long awaited his triumphant return End of chapter 1 Chapter two of The Moors in Spain By Stanley Lane Poole This LibriVox recording is in the public domain THE WAVE OF CONQUEST "O Commander of the Faithful these are not common conquests they are like the meeting of the nations on the Day of Judgment." Thus wrote Musa the Governor of Africa to the Caliph Walid describing the victory of the Guadalete There is little wonder that the Saracens stood amazed at the completeness of their triumph Leaving the regions of myth With which the Spanish chroniclers have surrounded the fall of Roderic it is matter of sober history That the victory of the Guadalete Gave all Spain Into the hands of the Moors Tariq and his twelve thousand Berbers Had by a single action Won the whole peninsula And it needed but ordinary energy and promptness To reduce the feeble resistance Which some of the cities still offered The victor lost no time in following up his success In defiance of an order from Musa Who was bitterly jealous Of the unexpected glory Which had come to his Berber lieutenant And commanded him to advance no further The fortunate general pushed on without delay Dividing his forces into three brigades He spread them over the peninsula And reduced city after city with little difficulty Mugith One of his officers Was dispatched with seven hundred horse To siege Cordova Lying hid till darkness came on Mugith stealthily approached the city A storm of hail Which the Moslems regarded as a special favour of Providence Muffled the clatter of their horses' hoofs A shepherd pointed out a breach in the walls And here the Moors determined to make the assault One of them More active than the rest Climbed a fig tree Which grew beneath the breach And thence Springing onto the wall Flung the end of a long turban to the others And pulled them off after him They instantly surprised the guard And drew open the gates to the main body of the invaders And town was captured with hardly a blow The governor and garrison took refuge in a convent Where For three months They were closely beleaguered When at length they surrendered Cordoba was left in the keeping of the Jews who had proved themselves staunch allies of the Muslims in the campaign and who ever afterwards enjoyed great consideration at the hands of the conquerors.

The Moors admitted them to their intimacy and until very late times never persecuted them as the Gothic priest had done.

Wherever the arms of the Saracen penetrated there we shall always find the Jews in close pursuit while the Arab fought the Jew trafficked and when the fighting was over Jew and Moor and Persian joined in that cultivation of learning and philosophy art and science which preeminently distinguished rule of the Saracen in the Middle Ages.

I have only one favor to ask permit us to have a lantern, for the darkness of this dismal place appalls us.

The Lord spiritual and temporal of the Muslims of Spain had fallen to such strait that he had to beg for bread and a candle Such scenes as these were now frequent in Cordoba Each revolution brought its fresh crops of horrors The people of Cordoba who had greatly increased in numbers had also nourished those independent sentiments which the immense development of trade and manual industry and the consequent creation of a prosperous artisan class generally promotes and when they overturned Almanzor’s dynasty the mob broke out in the usual manner of mobs and wrecked their vengeance by pillaging the beautiful palace which the great minister had built in the neighborhood of the capital for the use of himself and government officials When they had ransacked the priceless treasures of the Palace they abandoned it to the flames Massacres plundering and assassination went on unchecked for four days Cordoba became a shambles then the Berbers had their turn the imperious slave guard who had won the cordial detestation of the people were succeeded by the brutal berber who rioted in the plunder of the City Wherever These Barbarians Went Slaughter Fire And Outrage Followed Palace After Palace Was Ransacked And Burnt And The Lovely City Of Ezara The Delight Of The Great Calif Was Captured By Treachery Sacked And Set On Fire So That There Remained Of All The Exquisite Art That Two Califfs Had Lavished Upon Its Ornaments Nothing But A Heap Of Blackened Stones Its Garrison Was Put To The Sword Its Inhabitants Fled For Refuge To The Mosque But The Berbers Had Neither Scruples Nor Bowels And Men Women And Children Were Butchered In The Sacred Precincts Ten ten while the Capital Was Torn To Pieces By Savage Bands Of Slaves And Berber And Was Setting Up One Khalif after Another Wearing The Family Of Omaya With That Of Hamud Were trying the effect of governing town council the provinces had long drawn off all allegiance to the central state every city or district had its own independent lord so soon had the consolidating effects of almanzor rule disappeared the spania themselves enjoyed little of this sudden accession of small powers they had look on and lament while foreigners divided their land among them berber generals fattened upon the south the slav subdued the east the rest fell to tavernas or to the few noble families who had by some accidents survived the blows which abdelrahman III and almansol had dealt at the aristocracy cordova and seville the two most important cities of andalus had set up republics in name however rather than fact for the muslim first consul was a very close likeness of the emperor in the first half of eleventh century some twenty independent dynasties came into power in as many towns or provinces among each the abadite of seville the hamoud family at malaga and algeciras the ziritites at granada the benihood at zaragoza the dunnun dynasty at toledo and rulers of valencia murcia and almeria were the most important some of these dynasties were good rulers most of them were sanguinary tyrants but curiously not the less polished gentlemen who delighted to do honor to learning and belles lettres and made their courts the homes of poets and musicians Mortimid of Seville, for instance, was a prince of many accomplishments.

Yet he kept the garden of heads cut off his enemy's shoulders which he regarded with great pride and delight as a whole however The country was afraid to disorder as intolerable and as dangerous as that which prevailed when the Great Caliph came to the throne it was not quite the same in character four there was no great Christian Rebellion like dead open habsum but the Anarchy was as Universal and the danger total collapse more imminent than ever For the Christians of North were now on the move they saw their opportunity and they made the most of it Alfonso 6 who had United under its sway the Three Kingdoms of the estrias Leon and Castile understood his part perfectly he saw that he only had to allow the various Muslim Prince's rope enough and they would proceed to hang themselves with the utmost Expedition these short-sighted tyrants indeed caring only for their Petty individual power and eagerly aiding in anything that could weaken their Rivals through themselves at the Alphonso speed and implored his assistance whenever they found themselves over mastered by a more powerful neighbor partly In consequence of Act of this kind and partly in Terror at the Furious ways which the Castilian made throughout the country even as far as the port of Cadiz the Muslim states were almost all tributaries of the king of Castile who took care to annually demand heavier and More Heavy tribute as the price of his friendship in order to lay up stalls for the great Conquest which he had in mind the north was poor and we defined irony he trusted to the immense contributions of his vessels among the Andalusian princes to provide the seniors of the war which should destroy them divided and jealous as well the Muhammadan dynasties there was a limit to their patience When Alfonso had bathed in the ocean by Hercules pillars rejoicing that at last he had trespassed old Spain and touched the watery border when he had established the Garrison of more than twelve thousand daring men in the Fortress of alado in the very midstop the Muslim territories whence day ruthlessly emerged to hurry the whole country and commit every sort of savage outrage when Rodrigo Diaz de viva my seat the Challenger had established himself in Valencia with His castilians and Lay waste the neighboring lands when it became clear to everyone that Alfonso meant nothing less than the Reconquest of All Spain and the extermination of all Muslims then at Last the Mohammed and Princess awoke to their danger and began to take measures for their defense helpless in themselves and in spite of the common danger despairing of any firm collected action amongst so many and such hostile factions They took the only other course possible: they called in the aid of the foreigner.