I really

do.

I stay off a lot of social media now.

And my mental health is incredible.

Thank you, Mike.

he's like the one we send where he's just like fucking zapped he's like i was in dimensions it's fucking crazy but it is it's just like this i used to go on twitter during the football season and i would get so mad because people would be tweeting at me about the 49ers like they fucking suck and i'd be like i wouldn't even be watching the game i'd be like i hope your mother gets stage four bone cancer And then they're like, whoa, dude, I thought I was a fan.

And you're like, I hope your fucking wife walks in on you getting pegged.

She's from the Great Depression, too.

Mm-hmm.

And then, uh, I was like, my doctor was like, "Yeah, uh, drink MiraLAX." And so I was doing it, like, pretty, like, well, I don't wanna shit while I'm on stage.

And then, um, I called my doctor on, like, a Saturday and I was like, "Hey, it's still not...

It's been four days." And he's like, "Oh, when I say drink MiraLAX, I mean-"

[laughs]

Maybe you're a long-winded asshole and your wife doesn't wanna hang out with you, and you have shit friends.

[laughs] For God's sake.

Um- I've, I've lived this.

[laughs] God.

But you could always tell, because I became way more friendly by the end of the private party.

I'd go, "This is fucking Bill in accounting.

This son of a bitch." My favorite one that ever happened, and I've told this story before, but it, it was like- The most red-handed I ever got caught wasn't even drinking.

Was there was this, uh, Christmas party for like a business and it, and it was like almost over and they were doing hand pass desserts, and I was...

It was the night shift that I was working, and I was like super hungry, ready to get off.

I knew we were done, and we had this like chocolate cake and this tres leches cake, and it was like just bites of it, right?

Yeah.

Did you guys fill out the form? I got Dunkaroos, I got juice boxes, I got wipes."

Hello, everybody.

Good evening.

How are you? [cheering] Believable? Very believable.

Let you guys know about me.

I was raised by a single mom.

That basically made me cock-blocking footsie pajamas.

[laughs]

Right.

This guy's a Niners fan, and he's going like...

He's talking too much trash.

So I pull him aside.

I go, "Hey, man, these are, like, the wives of the coaches.

It's just, we get it or whatever.

I'm a Niners fan.

Correct.

by

the way, you went to school together? I mean, we've been friends since we were 12.

Crazy guy.

Different than every coach in the league.

We've watched your show.

We watched your show a ton in middle school.

You and Jerry Springer were our de facto dads through middle school.

right.

So you guys are gonna like renew, like this is where you wanna be for a little while?

I've been, we've been here for four years.

I wouldn't be surprised if we're here for like, it depends on...

Dude, what sucks about l- living in a, in a fucking...

Yeah.

What sucks about living in a corporate building is they raise the rent like mathematically.

They just go like-

That, yeah

Read the whole thing like Eminem.

We are a comedy show, obviously.

Oh, it does almost ...

Like he's rapping.

We're a comedy show and make fun of everything, ourselves included, obviously.

But a fan of, of your work since obviously Stand By Me.

[laughs]

Honestly, that's, that's you coming out.

... that used to be a fucking radio station.

It's crazy.

But I had a, we went to dinner, and it was with people from Sirius, and I was, like, just trying to be the plus one, and this guy kept being like, "So what do you do?" And I was like, "I, I, I work in, I work in comedy.

I do standup." And he was like, "Oh, that's great." And, like, later in the dinner he's like, "You know, at SiriusXM..." [laughs] And he kept talking about it, and I was like, "Don't say anything."

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, you.

[laughs] I...

So, so he, he sends you a nice message.

Well, uh, can I just say something? I'm gonna...

Dan Soder.

Ah, you sweetie pie.

Dan Soder.

Ah, you sweetie pie.

Dan Soder.

Ah, you sweetie pie.

Dan Soder.

Ah, you sweetie pie.

Uh-huh.

Like, 'cause, you know, I wanna put it out when I put out the special.

I wanna put out something on YouTube.

And I went up to Lakeport [laughs] and I was getting a coffee at the Starbucks, and this guy just walks up, he goes, "Oh, you wanna talk shit about Lake County, then show back up." I was like, "Oh, what's up?"

What'd you think of the Hulk Hogan documentary?

Oh, dude, it got me riled up, dude.

I, episode one will make you wanna run through a wall.

You're like, dude, this is, it's just the best.

Yeah.

[laughs] Christopher Robin, why do you say that you're gonna kill everyone at your school? [laughs] Why did you tell everyone they're gonna pay? [laughs] Was, you think Christopher Robin...

Imagine a shooter in his little rubber boots and a- A...

Oh ... yellow raincoat.

He told me not to come to school today.

[laughs] He said, "Stay home." [laughs] I'm gonna make everyone pay.

[laughs] Ooh.

It depends how much I hate the person.

[upbeat music] Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Van Vliet.

[rock music] Van Vliet.

Yeah.

It's Inside with Chris Van Vliet.

[laughs]

I, I always thought that, uh, chops or, you know, like Ric Flair, he didn't even do them that much, uh, first time I wrestled him.

But now Gunther is, "You're not supposed to hurt a guy."

I was curious.

It's like, uh, it's being...

It's the closest I've ever been to being married to a UFC, like a...

It's like almost like, uh, being married to a boxer or a UFC fighter, where you're like, I, I show up dressed up, and then they, they, uh, you know, either beat ass or get their ass beat.

And then I'm like-

Yeah.

It was really cool.

Uh, yeah, but it was like, you know, I, I...

I know your main job and what you love is stand-up comedy, but Would you act again if you got a great role like that?

You know, I think at this point, man, acting is just like if there's a cool role and there's a cool show.

Like I'm on Tires coming up.

Oh, you're on Tires with Shane? Okay.

Yeah, and that'll be out in August on Netflix.

I'm in a couple episodes of that.

But yeah, man, it's just kind of like...

Right,

[laughs]

I'm eating, I'm eating Lunchables.

I'm having myself...

So no, it, uh...

He lived in New York, obviously, and always, uh, he liked to go to comedy shows, so they sent him comedy cellar lineups.

So, like, me and Big Jay, and Lewis J. Gomez, Dave Attell, Pete Dav- Pete Davidson and I are...

That's, we're on the same lineup.

Yeah

See you this summer.

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This'll be, this is a couple weeks now, 'cause we have to do the 29th.

What?

Like real stupid shit.

Like I was sitting in jail, shitting in the tank, seeing motherfuckers, like going around like, "What are you in for?" This motherfucker's like, "Murder, rape." I'm like, "What are you in for?" "Bank robbery." "What are you in for?" "I killed my family with a shovel."

Listen to Ari's podcast, You Be Trippin', available wherever you listen.

And make sure you listen to Dan Soder's podcast.

Oh, sorry, Bobby.

No, you do it.

Go.

[laughs]

You fucking ...

I'ma tell you though.

That's c- that, that's not confi- that's confidence that I did not have starting out.

Like, I know you could see the trepidation when you're getting ready for the joke, but the, the coolness of you being like-

It's fucking hilarious.

Let me pull it back.

How you doing? How you fucking doing? This is primarily an all Black club.

Yeah, that's not much.

AI debunked it, so it's, jury's still out.

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Hm.

Is it the elevator?

I don't know

... is it the scene where...

Have you ever seen the scene where Richard Pryor teaches, uh, Gene Wilder how to be cool in Any Which Way But Up, where he's like, "Yeah.

Now get bass in your voice."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's like, "She's the best.

She's the best thing I've ever had in my life." And my mom dated my dad, like, a year or two later, and I was like, "Do you know about this lady?" And she was like, "No, that was...

Your dad lived in Southern California.

Saturday I lost my voice, but Friday ruled.

Friday was crazy 'cause, um, it, it was me, Che, Attell, then Louis, but I've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louis, where Dave Attell went, "Louis CK," and everyone went, "Yeah." And then they saw him and they were like, "Ah!"

[laughs]

Yeah.

We both watched.

Funny as shit was Santino was going first on Thursday and I got coffee with him, 'cause originally I was supposed to go second on Friday and I'm like, I had like I'm going second confidence when I was talking to Santino on Thursday.

I go, "Dude, going first is fine.

You just go up there-