Credenza

You were on fire up there I could barely keep up We stood in mutual silence as cast members filtered past some waving goodbye others offering half hugs careful not to get too close.

Vanessa emerged with her boyfriend An actor from another company If the rumors could be believed Drawing laughter as she sang Something from a different musical Down the steps She paused to fist bump Ryan Then winked at me The wink meant nothing And everything Ryan fumbled With his keys You wanna go Out with Everyone Vanessa's Organizing Shots At Malone's Said we Should celebrate No thanks I said I'm heading Home You Go I'll See you Later He hesitated Are you Sure I repeated Yeah! My Voice Came Out Brittle And Final when i left the Air Was Colder The Buses Thin I walked home Through the Fading Daylight Passing Cafes With Fogged Windows every Table Suggesting Another Secret Our House Felt Hollow overtaken By the Hush Of Things We No Longer Said I Moved Through the Next Hours With A Strange Sense Of Calm Leaning Into the Sick Clarity Of What I Knew the Pile Of Evidence In My Mind Had Tipped From Suspicion To Certainty Now There Was Just The Matter Of tearing Everything Open I Messaged Sarah Asking If I Could Crash At Her Place later Just In Case she Replied Instantly Doors Always open my Phone Buzzed ryan Almost Home you Want Anything I Ignored It rinsed Dishes That Seemed To Multiply On Their Own stacked Up Posters And Scripts In A pile on the Credenza cats Circled My Ankles Mewling For Routine But Everything Else Was Poised At the Edge Waiting For the next Rupture the Sun had Gone Down fully When Ryan's Headlights Flashed Through the living Room filling the house With Shrinking Bars Of Gold he came In humming Softly swinging A Bag Of Groceries In One Arm A Bottle Of Red In the Other Figured you Could Use A Pick Me Up after That Show he said setting things Down his Voice Was Too Bright forced Into cheerfulness Thanks I replied Voice Quiet Eyes Following Him watching For cracks In the Performance he unpacked Bread Cheese Strawberries you Ate today Right bits I Was Nervous he Smiled Again masking His Own Nerves you Were Good Really Good That Whole Fight Scene I Believed Every Word I Didn't Answer There Was No Way Around the Next Part I Waited Until He Put Away the Last Container Then Drew Myself Up at the Table Hands Folded Heart Thrumming Out A Brutal March "Ryan," I began, "we need to actually talk." He looked up, startled by the tone.

"What's up?" "I know about you and Vanessa," I said, steady and low.

"I know about the coffee shop, the florist, the messages.