Compulsory heterosexuality

When you're ready, no rush, we're at community.ammariezanzel.com. hi and welcome to coming out and beyond i am amory zanzel yale divinity school graduate ordained progressive minister grief counselor and lgbtq plus coach who came out in midlife and if you are a woman questioning your sexuality this podcast is made for you maybe you're sitting with a question you never said out loud you fell for a woman or something woke up recently And everything shifted and you just can't put it back.

Maybe you are untangling years of religious conditioning or compulsory heterosexuality and trying to figure out who you are underneath all that.

This isn't about rushing labels or blowing up your life.

It's about integration, self-trust, and the kind of community that changes everything.

Absolutely.

Next question.

What is compulsory heterosexuality and how do I know if I've been living inside it? Because you're a woman who is alive and breathing.

That's my next question.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, it's Judith Butler's Compulsory Heterosexuality.

Whether people are straight because they are genuinely straight or because they believe they're supposed to be straight, they have so much invested in their idea of heterosexuality at that point and in their idea of... know being a monogamous married couple and so it does seem more um explosive for a straight couple to step into that space than the gay cup because we're kind of it's like it's like you and i have said this before as queer people there are just certain systems we were never going to be able to opt into anyway because we were never invited so for us we're like uh whatever, you know what I mean? Whereas like for people who are already in those systems, they do have something to lose.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah

... compulsory heterosexuality.

Well, it would explain a little bit about, like, him complaining about the sex they're not having in boyfriend of five years told me he doesn't wanna get married.

Yeah.

Just date women.

I promise you'll be fine.

A lot of sapphics who are still in the grips of compulsory heterosexuality often feel a lot more pull towards dating men, and they feel a lot more of that butterflies with men.

Something I tell people is a lot of times butterflies is danger, not excitement.