Carl Rogers

and how this may play out in the development of narcissism.

Now, this concept of unconditional love is actually originally called unconditional regard, and it comes from the work of humanistic theorists such as Carl Rogers.

Now, folks who use this humanistic model have a very positive view of human nature.

In fact, I would say that most humanists would not like what I have to say about narcissism since it isn't very nice or very positive.

Children often blame themselves or typically blame themselves for everything, including any setbacks that you have.

So please drop a comment if anything I've said here sort of makes sense to you in sort of understanding what a parent can do or anyone, teachers, anyone else who is involved in the lives of younger children to make sure a child feels unconditionally loved.

Now, even as Carl Rogers and other humanistic folks wrote this stuff, they knew that at some level it was aspirational.

None of us get any of this right every time.

No.

If I'm going to be 100% person-centred, Carl Rogers, who is the founder of person-centred therapy... says that there's a uh like a peak that you get to about like your authentic self and it's what is it called i've forgotten what it's called now um actualization the actualization is possible so that's like ultimate healing healing healing to the point where you're just yourself purely yourself But I think you would also say that that's not, I mean, it's, I don't know if anybody's ever got there.

I don't know if anybody's ever got to that point where they're a hundred percent healed because actually, like I said, life just happens, doesn't it? And, um, you know, I know for me, if something was, I was just looking at my dog, my dog died, Jesus, it would be really hard for me.

I would not, you know, how do you heal from, from, from things like loss or you do, um, But do you need to? I don't know.

And it's only when we accept where we are that change can occur.

That's not me, that's Carl Rogers.

Yeah, but that's because it's not until you own that, is that because, that's the question, is that because it's not until you own that thing that you then get to choose to change it?

Pretty much, yeah, yeah, yeah.

me or somebody like me why do you think that is you think it's because at some point you can only go so far with your own thinking

I think empathy is a really healing thing.

You know, it goes back to those three conditions that Carl Rogers talked about.

Carl Rogers being a psychologist who formulated the sort of therapy I trained in, you know, the honesty of the therapist, the congruence, the unconditional positive regard or the compassionate acceptance of the therapist and the empathy, you know, feeling with people so that people know that their feelings are understood.

This is her article, quote, The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.

Carl Rogers As she writes, for over a year, I woke up at 3am almost every night.

I would lie there in the dark, my heart pounding, my mind sprinting through the same loop.

What if I can't handle my job? What if I lose my income? What if I spend the rest of my life alone? Eventually I would fall back asleep around dawn and then drag myself through the workday like a ghost, exhausted, flat and pretending to be fine.

So you need to maintain it.

We might draw upon Carl Rogers' work.

We might draw upon emotional intelligence in that building and sustaining the relationship.

And the relationship then acts as a crucible for the work that we then do.

So I tend to, and there's lots of ideas like this in the course, give very practical ideas ways to step out of the comfort zone and then step back in again if they need to.

Because one of the things I've always prioritized is, I suppose, what Carl Rogers called accurate empathy.

Really, you're trying to understand what it's like to be this person.

And it can be terrifying to step out of a comfort zone, even to take a small step.