And if one of my core values is planning and yours isn't, it's going to be hard to change that core value unless there are some very significant discussions and open communication, right? Like how do you, in your practice, traverse that gap of somebody who, like your husband, clearly planning isn't one of his core values, right? Like what do you do with that?

One, I think there's two elements to it, right? Because the first and the way I do this in my practice, the way I've done it in my marriage is kind of coming back to this powerhouse paradox.

We look at sifting apart.

Does this have to do with my partner or does this have to do with my history? Has my, my attachment wounding, has all of that come to the table? And.

Do I see my husband or am I seeing a father that I wish showed up in a way that reflects how we were injured as children? Because the idea that someone should be perfect or should do things our way is the very young developmentally speaking mindset.

Realistically, we can't expect that of adults.

I think we try to find good enough.

How can people be more aware of what the pressure problems are and what's actually a marriage problem?