Body shaming

I started to self-loathe as a way of protecting myself, which led to disordered eating, rigid control and the need to be smaller.

The need to be less obvious in the world and more socially acceptable.

My poor sense of self and body image then led me to an emotionally abusive relationship where I was body shamed regularly, told what was acceptable to wear, how to behave.

And in essence, it matched exactly who I believed I was and what I was worth.

Even though the misogyny had always been there, it had reached new levels and for me that one night laid the upper foundations that had paved the way for something bigger and ultimately led me to being in destructive relationships that suffocated my soul and made me feel physically and emotionally unsafe.

I would be skinny again if I stopped drinking.

I tried bullying myself out of addiction with body shame.

Didn't work.

Body hatred and addiction go hand in hand.

We had a number of people in common over the years.

But I reconnected with her specifically recently on Instagram because she made a post about body shaming in the fitness world.

And when she wrote what she wrote, which we're going to share in just a minute, we're going to talk about that, I commented I had the exact same experience, literally the exact same experience.

And it got us talking about all types of things from trends to wellness.

The way that we got talked to by the producers, people talked to people like that.

Like it was in the workforce and whatever.

There was a lot of body shaming around not fitting into the perfect picturesque body.

And then we come into the market from a fitness standpoint.

yeah we've all done it

we've all done it and it was such it was such a different time and the body shaming and the things that the press were allowed to all thought it was okay to talk about women's bodies.

In one generation, it's actually quite shocking when you look back.

When you look back, and even now, if we were to look at those magazines, it's wild.

And watching her daughter play one day, she had an epiphany.

She didn't want to model body shame to her children.

In 2013, she posted a reverse before and after photo, her bikini competition body as the before and her natural post-child body as the after, which went viral, generating over 7,000 emails and messages and more than 1 million views.

That must still blow you away that that happened.

Yeah, I have been quite vocal and honest and transparent around that with Greer and some other women in my men's circles.

Body shame has been a huge thing for me.

And like I said earlier, I've been getting deeper into the roots of that and actually recognizing that one of the reasons that I couldn't just override it like mentally with affirmations or just choosing differently was it was pre-verbal.

Totally.

But I do want to I just want to go back and hit on something.

It is body shaming.

Right.

Or it's also called internalized misogyny.

And I guess the key point, all of that that I would say is that not every insensitive comment is internalized misogyny.

I'm not saying that.

But unsolicited criticism of another woman's body is body shaming.

regardless of who makes the comment.

don't care about that.

What they care about, girl, is number one, body shaming.

Like, I guess maybe we had that in the 2000s, so let me take that back.

But I feel like it was more based on tabloids.

Like if we're looking at this group, let's just be honest.

Malika is the second best dancer in the group.

arguably the all-arounder vocalists, you know? And what I've observed in this industry and society and pop culture and entertainment, when you are the standard, when you check all the boxes, your greatness is either going to be overlooked or it's going to be mocked by society when you black, okay? and then you get a reaction and then these reactions are absurd and then those reactions then cause future reactions that echo or emulate a path that doesn't necessarily have to be or we're going down we're seeing this literally with solidified like i said the moment this whole body shaming stuff started when they were performing in brazil last month now all of a sudden we're starting to notice that they're making savvy decisions like cropping him out of certain shots giving him less camera time all under the lens and the guys that it's better for the brand and it's better for the overall marketing of the band.

And I know what I'm talking about, y'all, because I've sat in the same exact boardrooms as him.

I, I really love the way that she told that piece of the storyline, and she weaved in that, along with a little bit of some of the stuff that Black women have to deal with.

And then body shaming.

Like, she kinda hit it all with this woman, um, in the story.

Literally.

I mean, not just the, the, to piggyback on top of the body shaming, but how whatever she wore, she automatically was sexualized.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.