Blarney Stone

I thought next week that I'd tell you a rather unusual story that took place at Ireland at the turn of the century.

It concerns the famous ceremony of kissing Blarney Stone, St. Patrick's Night Rebel, and an old Irish ballad that led directly to one of the most devilish murders that Sherlock Holmes and I

ever encountered.

THE END

The destination we're going to hit in the day is the Blarney Castle.

You got to go to the Blarney Castle because it's in Cork, which is the city we're in, and also because you have to kiss the Blarney Stone because that's what you have to do.

It's just a rule, okay? We go to the Blarney Castle, and

at first, it's a little, it feels, I mean, the whole thing does feel kind of touristy, even though, I mean, it is a castle and all this stuff, but it's really, it's like you're paying your money, you're doing a thing.

We're getting out of there.

That's all I know.

I don't even know anything about the Blarney stone.

I go, this is what we're doing.

Mm.

The rock is actually called the Blarney Stone, and legend has it that if you kiss it, you receive the gift of gab.

It definitely worked for you.

But the Blarney Stone is only one part of this very cool place, so let's learn some things.

Joining us from Blarney Castle in Cork, Ireland, is Paul O'Sullivan, marketing manager at Blarney Castle and Gardens.

Hi, Paul.

You could have a whole wing of the house for Squishies, I think.

[laughs]

You gotta hold the thing here, too?

Got the old Blarney Stone quads in gear and just, uh, chased him down.

Now, you bike all the time, why not purchase a bike?

[laughs]

Because Picard is genuinely one of...

I would say it's like... kirk gets kirk gets a lot of respect from the klingons by the end of star trek because he is willing to have like a proper fist fight with anyone who'll start which which they respect but picard is the one where it's like oh no don't get into don't don't don't go don't don't unless you've got four warbirds don't start a fight with the enterprise and even then don't follow him to a nebula yeah definitely not there's a fucking Blarney Stone reference in

this episode that annoyed me that really annoyed me it's like come on man are we still doing like didn't Picard say a thing that human beings have moved beyond the need for such petty things like religion and nationalism except for the Irish

So we get an IRA song from O'Brien.

I wouldn't say it's a trap.

Oh God, I've fallen into the Blarney Stone again.

Somebody's got

me.

It's an American walking down the street.

Someone told me the

Blarney Stone, because Americans kiss it, Irish boys and girls go out tonight and piss on the stone.

Yes.

I don't trust him a bit, remuttered Tibbs, and I may never get another chance to cut a real head off, he said regretfully.

oh you two dears cried coppertop beside herself with joy you're both positively victoria cross heroes i'm terrifically proud of you if i wasn't so upset about my poor old spoilt wings i could almost cry with happiness funny things girls remarked tibbs feeling awkward at being regarded as a hero let's find another head this sword's too sharp to waste come on kid-a-wee and off he raced boys are funny i should think remarked coppertop fancy leaving me like that when we've only just found each other oh i do wish i had a baby to squeege at this moment she glanced down and there she beheld smiler smiling too with all her might oh i do love you i do cried the child impulsively and seizing the surprised camel in her hands she kissed her fondly as this happens miss smiler heaved a deep sigh and became just a little bronze camel once more chapter twenty two CHAPTER XXIII The December Day is Almost Theirs yes i guess i'll fix you up with a december day all right answered the genial north wind in response to the entreaty of the children for shortly after their fight with the clerk of the weather there came a gentle warm breeze which they felt sure must be the north wind and finding that this was so coppertop and tibbs implored his aid in their long search for a december day oh you dear exclaimed coppertop scarcely able to believe their good fortune the address is chesney grange near mount dadanong australia she added lest the precious december day should go astray the world added the north wind with a smile bless you i guess i know all australia from perth to sydney and darwin to hobart i'll send the december day along to this australia of yours direct by sunbeam that's heaps faster than marconi yes but i like marconi interrupted kiddiwee with lots and lots of milk you mean macaroni stupid corrected tibbs whatever can we do to thank you cried coppertop beside herself with joy don't thank me till you get it said the north wind with a decided american accent due to the fact that he had often traveled over the united states and you don't get it till you've paid the price the price exclaimed coppertop her face falling yep everything has a price in this world dearie nothing is given away we must earn everything that is worth having and then we know how to value it i guess you've pretty well earned your wish by now and there's only one thing more to do oh do say cried coppertop anxiously well you must kiss biddy be sure or the blarney stone and then the december day will be yours and without any more explanation the north wind blew by for some time after his departure the children remained silent they were decidedly disappointed for the december day seemed as far off as ever Why, the Blarney Stone is on Blarney Castle, said Tibbs.

And where's that? asked Coppertop.

Right away over in the Emerald Isle.

their legs hanging over the blunt side and commenced to sing

smiles to-day make smiles to-morrow at this the sword of the samurai quivered violently and then rose several feet in the air smiles will banish bogey sorrow continued the children hardly able to sing for excitement they felt that they were in for another wonderful trip smiles will help us over stiles and now the wings began to beat and the sword moved forward making life just miles of smiles shouted the children at these last words the sword of the samurai shot forward at lightning speed with its precious burden and never stopped till they arrived at the emerald isle chapter twenty three CHAPTER XXV.

COPPERTOP KISSES THE BLARNEY STONE upon arriving at blarney castle biddy be sure tried her wiles upon the keeper most successfully and they were given full permission to enter the castle upon a dark winding staircase they went and then round the gallery of the old banqueting hall and so out on to the parapet under which the blarney stone lies pimby the flying pig got stuck in the staircase once or twice on the way up but otherwise the party reached the top without mishap upon arriving at the spot there was some argument as to which of them should kiss the stone but coppertop reminded her brothers that the north wind had distinctly told her to do so and besides tibbs being so strong and manly was just the one to hold her legs and prevent her from falling for in order to kiss the stone properly she had to be lowered over the edge of the parapet head foremost it was a very dangerous thing to do for if she fell she would be dashed to pieces at the foot of the castle the sword of the samurai lay upon the parapet and kept guard and coppertop kissed smiler hugged and kissed tibbs and kiddiwee and prepared to be lowered over the parapet of course she was nervous terrifically but she just grit her teeth and determined to do this last thing to gain her precious december day and thus to be able to greet her mummy and daddy with sunshine and beauty kiddiwee grew so white and nervous that it was decided he should watch from one of the windows of the tower yes but i do wish i could do it instead of cease were his last words as he went below biddy be sure mounted her broomstick and flying over the parapet she hovered under the blarney stone with her apron spread out to catch coppertop if she fell white and anxious tibbs helped coppertop over the side of the castle holding tightly to her legs until she was able to grasp the iron rail which has been put there for the purpose she was now hanging over the side of the castle upside down the blood rushed to her head and she felt terribly giddy but with great courage she held on and lowered herself inch by inch whilst tibbs held her legs in a tight grip until her head was on a level with the blarney stone to make things safer pimby the flying pig flew over also and insisted on catching hold of the coat of coppertop's pajamas which he held tightly between his teeth tibbs face was perspiring with anxiety and fatigue but he would rather have fallen to the bottom himself than have let go of those precious little ankles there was a distant rumble of thunder and a few drops of rain fell upon them coppertop's heart beat faster at the sound and she felt as though she must choke for she hated a thunderstorm besides it sounded ominously like the clerk of the weather up to his mischief again in spite of his promise it would be too terrible if he interfered now just at the critical moment she must hasten to kiss the stone without delay she was surprised to find that it had a face and that it pouted its lips to be kissed in a most amusing way coppertop wanted to laugh and then to cry and as she looked down she saw that biddy be sure with her white apron outstretched had grown to look strangely like her big four-poster bed she suddenly felt very limp and nerveless but she thought of the december day so nearly hers and with a mighty effort she raised her head forward and kissed the blarney stone there was a blinding flash of lightning a roar of thunder and to her amazement coppertop felt herself falling Tibbs still held her ankles, but he was falling too.

The castle was falling.