Blarney Stone

Yes, my boy, and as yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, I decided to tell you a story that took place in Ireland a few years before the turn of the century.

I imagine that you've heard of kissing the Blarney Stone, haven't you?

Oh, yes, Doctor, though I've never understood exactly what it meant.

Well, let me explain it to you, because the ceremony plays a very important part in the story tonight.

Blarney Castle is an imposing 15th century ruin a few miles outside the town of Cork.

The castle is many stories high, and in the foremost tower, the famous Blarney Stone is situated.

What's supposed to be the point in kissing it, Doctor? The stone is considered a powerful talisman, and the legend runs that whoever kisses it is endowed with eloquence for life.

Say, Doctor, if I ever get over to Ireland, I'll certainly kiss that stone.

Blaney and Blarney.

The Blarney Stone.

The Blarney Stone and the castle.

And there was nobody there because we were late afternoon.

And I guess it's just a good time of year to be there.

I mean, we passed signs that said if you were going to see the Blarney Stone or Kiss the Stone, 90-minute wait from here, 60-minute wait from here, 30-minute wait from here.

we didn't stop, there was nobody there.

It was like we had the whole castle and the whole grounds to ourselves.

We just don't want to acknowledge it.

Do we believe that it's really gone? Does it make us feel safer? How about throwing salt over your shoulder if you spill it? Or stepping on a crack at the demise of your mother's posture? Dreams, omens, signs, the Blarney Stone, knocking on wood, blessing someone after a sneeze, curses, evil eyes, rabbit's feet, pennies, breaking mirrors, offerings, exorcisms, burying statues upside down by your mailbox so your house sells faster, walking under a ladder, black cats crossing your path, kissing at midnight on New Year's Eve, or opening the windows.

A superstition sometimes appears as a widespread cultural behavior motivated by supernatural beliefs in fate, magic, luck, or spirituality without any proven scientific theory or rigorous logic.

Put a pin in that definition.

This month, we're going to hear Which Is More Than I Can Say About Some People by Laurie Moore, which appeared in The New Yorker in November of 1993.

Of all Abby's fanciful ideas for self-improvement, the inspirational video, the breathing exercises, the hypnosis class, the Blarney Stone, with its whoring barter of eloquence for love, Oh Gift of Gab, read the t-shirts, was perhaps the most extreme.

The story was chosen by Catherine Lacey, a winner of the New York Public Library's Young Lions Fiction Award, who's the author of six books, including the novels Pew and Biography of X. Hi, Catherine.

Hi.

Of all Abby's fanciful ideas for self-improvement, the inspirational video...

the breathing exercises, the hypnosis class.

The Blarney Stone, with its whoring barter of eloquence for love, oh, gift of gab, read the T-shirts, was perhaps the most extreme.

Perhaps.

And, you know, we stop at Blarney Castle.

And, you know, I was on a TV interview a few years ago when you were out of town and And I was talking about my Ireland tour, and the commentator said, because, you know, if you kiss the Blarney Stone, it gives you the gift of gab.

Here it comes.

She said, has Larry kissed the Blarney Stone? I said, Larry made out with the Blarney Stone.

She about fell off her chair.

That's funny.

Ugh.

If there's one thing that you're going to be addicted to, it's going to be getting your fucking thing harder than the motherfucking Blarney Stone.

Oh, no, we've got hold on.

What the fuck is this? There's the guy you are.

Yeah.

Blarney Stone called Becky Lynch.

Blarney Stone Cold Becky Lynch, which is a reference to someone named Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I love it.

Okay, Blarney

Stone.

Someone would announce this.

Blarney Stone Cold Becky Lynch.