Yeah

... inside of us.

And so for me, you know, that I, I've realized that unbecoming can happen voluntarily and involuntarily, right? It can happen when we've identified for ourselves that there's a way of being or a version of ourself that is no longer serving us, that we say, "This isn't working anymore.

I'm changing this." When it comes to what that looks like through the experience of grief, it can feel like something we did not choose, [laughs] right? I, I cannot say that I, I certainly consciously did not choose ever for Daniel to die when I was 13, and I certainly did not consciously choose for that grief to spontaneously be unearthed in me since I never dealt with it at 37 years old.

And then to sort of fall into this process of repressed traumatic grief resurfacing within me and actually being able to have it surface fully for the first time, and then going through the process of death and unbecoming and deconstruction of self that occurred as a result of that.

And for me, as I said when we spoke last time, that deconstruction of self for me could best be described as I was out there living my life in my late 30s, right, almost midlife.

And I really thought I had my life all figured out.

Mm-hmm.

Relatively short in a leadership role, but how important it's been to you.

I would say me personally, I do not learn well by computer.

So I get easily distracted.

So being in person forces me to make those connections with other people, to ask them questions about things that they've experienced, to get real life feedback from other ASCs that have gone through some of the growing pains that we are now experiencing.

Um, so I think making the connections is huge.

You can't really do that over zoom.

Um, I think being in physically in an environment also helps you pay attention because things are split up more.

Of