[laughs]

So, um, this guy, like, one of the instructors would always tell us to focus on your locus of control, and I think this is what they do, you know? A- a- a- and see, it's different for men or people who identify as men.

No, cisgender heterosexual men, it's very different for them, because they don't have to define themselves in terms of anybody if they don't want to.

But women are often tied to defining themselves in response to who they belong to, and it's, it's a way of validating, you know? 'Cause you're validated when you're married in, in the kinda place I grew up in, you know? You're official when you're married.

And even, you know, in this country, you know, once a woman is married, she would go by Mrs. James Jackson.

And I'm like, "Not for me.

No, sir." [laughs] But, you know, we cede our identities to the masculine, and so this is something we've always done, but we've always had to be...

Mm-hmm.